It’s no longer the midpoint of winter, not exactly. That came and went ten days ago and because my mom had just died suddenly, we didn’t mark it here as planned—but we’re marking it now. (We did share Shannan’s wonderful post on the books she reaches for during SAD season, which many of you found extraordinarily helpful.)
We have a longstanding February practice here at Modern Mrs Darcy. Winter isn’t an easy season for many of us, and so to beat back the gloom, we’ve habitually gathered at its midpoint to share the things—big or small—that are saving us right now.
The idea comes from Barbara Brown Taylor’s wonderful memoir Leaving Church. In it, she tells the story of how once, when she was invited to speak at a gathering, her host gave her this instruction for her speaking topic: “Tell us what is saving your life right now.” She said the genius of the question is that though most of us know exactly what’s killing us, it’s harder to name what’s saving us. It’s too good a question not to revisit from time to time, and so we’ve done it annually at the midpoint of winter. (Or, in 2024, thereabouts.)
We’ve been doing this for many years now, more than ten if you can believe it, and my own answers to this question have varied. I’ve written about the small sips that are saving me, and travel advice as life advice. I’ve told you about jigsaw puzzles and Friday coffee and taking the long view. To my great surprise, I’ve waxed poetic about laundry. Last year I wrote about sitting on the couch and the mindset that made that a little easier. Over and over again, I’ve cited sunshine and long walks and good books and sleep as essentials for getting through these dark days.
The blessing and curse of a tradition is that it comes around whether you’re ready for it or not. This year the question of what’s saving me doesn’t feel right, though I hope it does for you. For me, it’s more like: what’s keeping my head above water right now? And for me that my list is long, as perhaps it should be: texts and calls from friends checking in, dinner from neighbors. My family of six, all home together for a bit—even the one who had to fly in from Germany. Hugging my cousins. Puzzles and walks and reading on the couch. Hearing old and new stories about my mom. Seeing extended family for the first time in ages. My daughter texting me every day asking, “how are you mama?” My husband, whom I’ve dubbed my emotional support human because I would very much like him by my actual side at all times right now. The time and space to step away from work for a bit; my capable team that makes that possible.
There’s a reason we do this as a community. I know I’m not the only one who would very much like to hear what’s saving your life right now—or, if that question feels like a bridge too far, what’s keeping your head above water.
What’s saving your life right now? Tell us below, or link to your own blog or Instagram post below in the comments section.
199 comments
Gratitude saves me…and celebrating the joy of others.
Reading. Always reading. Getting together with a girlfriend group for cocktails. Talking to my daughter almost daily (I live in Wisconsin and she in Colorado). And now spending a month in Beaufort SC. My husband.
Reading. I get to travel wherever I want to without ever leaving my home.
What’s saving my life right now…
1. In the near term, I’m leaving on vacation tomorrow — girls trip in Florida — can’t wait!
2. In the mid-range — I’m retiring at the end of May — 24 years as the director of a small library.
3. My first grandchild is due in June!!!!!!!!
4. Longer term — European trip in September – October
And always —
Your book recommendations!
My sisters. Since the tragic loss of my partner a month ago, my six sisters have each stayed with me for a night or I’ve been welcomed by their families to their homes. My book club ladies have also checked in on me, as well as my wonderful “Title 1” ladies. Texts from nieces and nephews, aunts, cousins, and cups of tea and coffee with neighbors, walks, and yoga have made the lonely days more bearable. And reading. Always reading.
An earlier bedtime that means more time reading and laying on my heating pad for comfort.
I also love my heating pad! It’s so comforting, especially on painful days.
I started using the heated seat function on my car, and that makes going to work more bearable.
Meee tooo! Age has attacked my shoulder, which is always sore at bedtime. My wonderful heating pad helps relax the pain away!
I agree about the heating pad so much! I bought one this year & it is amazing for pain relief & for comfort.
YES! Love my heating pad! Got the BEST night’s sleep in a long time last night, sleeping with it draped over me.
Yes, I love my weighted heating pad! It’s so comforting!
I love my heating pad.
I love my heating pad!
I got a heated throw blanket for use anywhere in the house. Love it.
We use hot water bottles in my house. They are so comforting, staying warm all night from the heat of your body. I’ve introduced my 3-year old grandson to them this winter which means nearly every night he is with me I am filling his at bedtime.
My daughter (only child) heads off to college this year. I cherish and treasure each minute of each day with her. My Mom has Alzheimer’s, yet I still love to sit with her and hold her hand so that she knows in her soul that she is deeply loved, even though her memories have faded away. I try to visit her as much as I can. She is in a memory care facility that is five minutes from me, and that we are fortunate to be able to afford, and for that I am extremely grateful.
I think about my dearly beloved father, who died from Covid in 2020. He is with me in spirit, and he guides me. My friends, my dear cousin Wendy who is fighting cancer, my sweet boyfriend and my two dogs and cat. I wake up every day and think about how grateful I am to be in this moment, just as it is. I’ve always been excited about books, yet for some reason, I have a hard time giving myself permission to read during the day. I’m working on changing that, and it’s giving me much joy.
Catherine, I couldn’t believe the parallels in our lives. My daughter, also an only child, will be leaving for college this fall. I lost my mom to Alzheimer’s in 2017 (I so hope you treasure every moment with yours). I lost my dad in the fall of 2021. And of course, being here on MMD, I am a book lover too. I wish there were a way for us to connect in person to support each other!
1. Sunshine
2. Noah Kahan- love when my kids’ music tastes overlap with mine.
3. Daily walks outside
Have you heard Noah Kahan’s song with Sam Fender? It’s wonderful.
good riddance to perfection, obsessions & being a know-it-all (+ lots of pretty pictures)
https://lindastoll.substack.com/p/porch-127-whats-saving-my-life
Your reflections blessed and encouraged me, Linda!
I’m re-reading books I have loved and read many times before. Some titles: Me Before You (Jojo Moyles) and the rest of the series, Love Walked In by Marissa de la Santos (and the rest of the series), almost every book written by Kate Clayborn. The threads that link them: the characters learning about themselves, setting healthy boundaries, learning from challenging situations rather than giving up, and finding their way to the life they were meant to be living.
I second on Jennifer G comment- re reading books has become a favorite of mine. I know that I like the story but I’m always surprised how much I pick up the next time through that also helps point out how brilliant some of our authors are (currently re reading, Alan Bradley, Robert Galbraith, and Kate Atkinson series)
Love all three of those authors!
I reread the Love walked In series in the fall and it was such a huge comfort.
Me too – I’m rereading Donna Andrews’ wonderful books – lots of smiles and some outloud laughs. It’s also great fun to watch the characters change and grow.
Love the Donna Andrews series! If you haven’t read them already, strongly recommend Krista Davis’s Diva series. Fun, well written, great characters.
I am on the third book of the Me Before You series and I adore it deeply. Now I want to check out the other two authors you mentioned!
I love Me Before You series too. So good! Also fabulous for a reread are the Elizabeth Berg series. I think there are 3 or 4 now.
A tea kettle! It makes such assertive sounds while it works. Fun stuff!
I am 68 years old Anne and can’t imagine life without my Mom. My heart goes out to you and your family. And I understand the phrase about “keeping your head above water” and of wanting your husband by your side at all times. May your memories of your Mom and the memories told to you by others give you comfort. We’ve experienced a loss of a different sort in the last couple months and are leaning on each other, nesting, not socializing as much, keeping busy and being outside.
Anne I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. It is a long and hard season to be here on earth without her but rest assured you will be able to embrace her again.
What’s saving my life right now???
A vacation planned for the end of march to sunny Florida!!!
Watching my sweet husband build my bookshelves in our library(only after 6 years of waiting).
My daily crisp cold Diet Coke.
Really good Audio books- A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and Go As a River
Making it day by day but could use all the suggestions;)
Kudos to hubby!
Sometimes that crisp Diet Coke really perks me up during the afternoon slump.
add a packet of True Lime to your diet coke is life changing. I can’t explain it but it works.
I love this suggestion!
A friend and I opened a bookstore this past June and the people we have met and who support us has made me realize there are so many truly good people in this world. One of our very, very young customers came in yesterday with a valentine for us. How cute and sweet is that? Those are the kind of things that are saving me !!! If you’re in the Syracuse, NY area, stop in at That’s What She Read in Marcellus, NY. I would love to meet you!!
I love, love, love the name of your bookstore! I will try to stop by this summer when I’ll be in the area.
I am in Rochester so may need to just take a road trip!
I need to get there!! I live in the Rochester area.
What a joyful name for a book shop! May your new business flourish. And what a delight that you received a valentine from a young customer/bibliophile! 💕
Jesus is my soul survivor!
He is my strength and constant.
Sunshine, smiles, cat curled up with me and my book, coffee, good music, cooking, friends, playing cards, good chocolate – really any chocolate, and of course family.
So sorry about your mother. Life is but a vapor and is so precious. What is saving me is reading of course 🥰,hiking, time with family, traveling, and spending time with God.
– Sunshine.
– A year of Madeleine L’Engle books – working my way through the Austin family series and absolutely loving it.
I reread the Austin family series last year and it was the best sort of comfort read!!
Thinking of you, Anne. My list includes citrus, sunshine, our office dogs, paperwhites, strong black tea and good books. xoxo https://katieleigh.wordpress.com/2024/02/09/saving-my-life-tiny-midwinter-joys-edition/
Similarly, my list includes pears, hyacinths, daydreaming about my garden, sencha, and a daily dose of reading. I’ve also been living in my super soft vuori joggers as my kids recuperate from the stomach flu.
And I’m so, so sorry for your loss. May your mother’s memory be a blessing.
1. The daffodils are blooming
2. Almond branches brought inside are blooming too
3. Light YA reading, though I am far from a young adult myself.
4. Our lovely local coffee shop
5. My sweet husband, whose love language is acts of service.
I am currently preparing to be sitting on the couch for 4-6 weeks straight as I recuperate from knee (meniscus) surgery. (No weight bearing AT ALL on my right leg for 4 weeks!!) So I just went back and read your previous post couch sitting. Unfortunately, this isn’t my first long recovery. I had cancer several years ago and had 2 BIG surgeries that required even longer periods of recuperation.
Distractions are saving me right now. I have a lot of trauma from my previous surgeries and dwelling on the anxiety that I’m experiencing is NOT helping one bit. We went to the zoo on Saturday and hung out with friends last night at a Superbowl party. Today I’m straightening my bedroom and purging “stuff”. Later this week I will continue to prepare my nest for recovery. Gotta get this physical stuff done before I have to go off of the incredible NSAID that has been saving my life for the last 2 months.
That sounds really challenging. I hope you are able to work through that trauma and find rest.
I get this!! Listening to an audio book while using a coloring app is my life preserver during surgery recovery.
I had Achilles surgery just over a year ago, also on my right (driving foot!) and had no weight bearing for 6 weeks and then no driving for months! It was brutal, so I totally get where you’re coming from on that one! I hope it goes well for you and it gives you lots of extra reading time.
Surgeries and recoveries are tough. I had total knee replacement (right knee) in August, then fell in December and just had tendon repair surgery in the same knee. I have been two weeks so far with no weight bearing. What’s getting me thru is the support of husband, family and friends. Books, good movies, and video chats with my grands help. I’ll be thinking of you Julie. You’ve got this!
I’ve been thinking of you, Anne. The things I’m turning to right now include my sauna blanket, long walks outside listening to podcasts, lots of reading (I’m working through a few of the books from the novella post the other day), Sex and the City reruns, soup and humor (the last two combined in this quirky essay from R. Eric Thomas: https://letter.rericthomas.com/soup/?ref=here-for-it-w-r-eric-thomas-newsletter).
My heart goes out to you. Cocoon as much as you need to. What’s saving me, time in my quilt studio, garden work on any sunny day, seeing my sisters, time with friends, good books (The Exceptions; so good) and keeping to a sound sleep schedule.
I’m not usually much of a gamer, but right now what’s serving to delight and distract is playing Sims Freeplay on my tablet. It’s simple and low stakes in a way that real life isn’t. It’s also an easy way to take 5 minutes to myself.
Thanks for sharing Anne, especially in the midst of this hard time. My condolences.
What’s saving my life right now:
1. My cats
2. I’ve recently started talking to myself the way I talk to my cats. I’ve never been able to do mirror-affirmation-level self-love but something about using the voice I talk to the cats in and turning that to myself eg. “it’s ok baby girl” is *really* working for me
3. Good books. And letting myself quit books that aren’t working without too much overthinking
4. The Unitarian church. I never would have thought any church would be such a part of my life but the community and values are really serving me right now and I’m doing my best to give back.
5. Reading aloud with my mom. It is the main activity that we can do together still and it is really important to me.
6. Pics of my nephew
7. Queer Eye
8. Learning more about neurodiversity
9. My Brazil countdown crew
10. Ice cleats
Unfortunately my local UUs are part of what I need to heal from. Their words were good, their actions were based on fear and were damaging to me and others.
Learning and dwelling in a different perspective is saving my life right now. Thoroughly enjoying a brand new book, “Of Love & Treason” by Jamie Ogle. It’s also helping me to prepare for Lent and Valentine’s Day.
What’s Saving my Life Right Now?
Taking care of me by recognizing that my husband hasn’t been my person. He’s the person who caused me to need others. So glad I asked him to leave a year ago.
Having a home where I now feel safe to be me.
Having friends who support me and love me.
A wonderful therapist.
A journey that I am on to remember who I am deep inside and care for her through friendship, painting, drumming, and , mostly, trusting myself again.
Congratulations Susan! Your growth and expanding happiness make me feel happy weepy(that is a thing right?)for you. Keep up the great work!
Love this question! It leads me to gratitude for my 3 healthy living life grand children (14 mths, 14 and 17 years), their loving and wise parents, good books, comfy quilts, and this community!
I like a list of three:
1. Immediately. Minnesota has been snowless which means ice less which means I walk my dog in complete freedom from a life alternating slip and fall on the ice. Plus my dog. He saves me everyday and every season.
2. Soon. I found a church that feels like a comfortable old sweatshirt. This has been an immediate joy but also I look forward to a Lenten season with my new friends and soup suppers and a good book study.
3. Pleasant future dreams of moving south to Alabama or Florida or Georgia or Texas. I just signed up for the work seminar geared toward those that are planning to retire in 5 years. Sometimes we just need a dream to sustain us.
Bonus: I stumbled on to Anne’s list of 11 books better read in the Spring. I’m planning and gathering those titles for a March marathon of reading.
Belle ~ Yes! A snowless Minnesota winter! Such a rare treat to have snow-free roads and sidewalks. Grateful!
I am watching on Lucifer on Netflix and it has just really grabbed me. The devil is on vacation and owns a night club in Los Angeles. It’s a police procedural but it has a little of everything: comedy, music, fantasy, romance, drama. It’s great and I would highly recommend it.
Ooh! I’m going to look for that one. I would love a new series to get lost in!
I’m so sorry about your mom. I’m glad you have your people around you.
Being with my people is what’s saving my life right now The older I get, the more I realize that nothing matters more than being a part of the lives of those that matter to me.
I’m grappling with a new RA diagnosis. So a slower pace of life right now is challenging. The Big Boo Podcast has filled in so many gaps in my day. And because I just discovered them I have the joy of starting from the beginning as well as listening to current episodes.
( since I am up to date on WSIRN- I need more material to listen to 😉
May I suggest the “That Sounds Fun” podcast?
I am unable to do many of my favorite stress-relieving activities due to my 7th month of complications from 2 foot surgeries. What’s saving me is vacation planning. Rocky Mountains in June when I will hopefully be able to hike and Mexico City in the fall to celebrate my 50th. Fingers crossed all can go as planned!
– I’m visiting a friend who lives in Seattle in April and training for a 10k I’ll do while I’m there. It’s small things to look forward to that keep me going.
– Small daily rituals. I’m not sure why, but I’ve realized that keeping a schedule (washing my sheets, washing my face every night before bed, a cup of hot tea, getting to my Zumba class) all contribute to a more relaxed and calm feeling for me.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Anne. I’m glad you are finding some things to keep you afloat in a really hard time.
My winter has been filled with the predictable ickiness and I’ve had many things saving my life: creature comforts, new footwear, and faith practices top my list.
https://kendranicole.net/ten-simple-things-that-are-saving-my-life-this-winter/
My grandchildren! They find so much joy in life, and bring so much joy to life. They also find so much wonder in the small things and share that wonder. I’m really enjoying seeing life through the eyes of a child at this stage in my own life.
The Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich. I am reading my way through for the first time and am up to 24/30. It’s a great escape.
I love that series.
I’m so, so, SO sorry to hear that you lost your mom. Mine has been gone for almost three years, and it’s been a paradox of making me feel both so young AND so old at the same time. Keep talking about her and making her part of the conversation. Almost three years in, I love it when people mention her or give me a reason to bring her up. Hugs!
Pilates and every morning going outside and looking at the sky (pre sunup) so amazing!
I always have a rough time during the winter months. I have chronic anxiety that can lead to panic attacks this time of year. This year I bought a Viralex lamp (this is not a commercial) that provides the full spectrum, and has really helped. But more than anything is the love and support of my wonderful husband, who sees me through it all – he is my rock.
I read every day, but one day a week, usually Wednesday, I escape to my favorite coffee shop and spend two to three hours there reading and people watching. I fiercely guard this time.
What a wonderful idea!
I am trying to do this too. I stopped over COVID and recently realized how much I missed reading in cafes, so I have started again, and it’s been wonderful.
Things that are helping me in a difficult season:
* daily walks outside
* intentionally putting fun things on the calendar (brunch with a friend, local cryptid festival, vacation rental, girlfriend weekend away)
* making thing (I’m in a virtual maker group with a 2024 challenge and also make quilts)
* adding a few beautiful items (a thrifted glass bowl, new pot for plant cuttings from a friend)
* small daily rituals (candle time each evening, jasmine tea)
Hey, Heather, I am hosting a newly constituted craft group this week. I feel slightly paralyzed trying to figure out what we should do! Do you (or anyone else here!) have suggestions?
That sounds fun, though I understand the decision paralysis. The craft group I’m in created a really fun bingo-card game for the year with each square being a different theme or craft medium. Yes, there are a couple prizes (first to complete a row, first to complete the entire card), but I’m finding it most fun to think of something original to create for each square. My mind is enjoying the mental challenge as much as the actual making, if that makes sense. It’s been a fun diversion. And the group feedback is so rewarding when I post a project – I certainly don’t need any of the prizes because seeing my ideas applauded virtually feels so much better than a prize. Good luck with your new craft group! If I have any suggestion, center activities/challenges around a theme – whether that be a bingo card or letters of the alphabet or something else. It allows for a diverse group of projects and lots of inspiration and participation.
Thanks so much!
FaceTime with my grandkids
Books
Exercise
Sunshine
Weekly lunch with friends
My husband
So sorry about your mom 💕
Delivery of seasonal boxes of delicious tropical fruits from Rincon Tropics. I don’t have easy access to passionfruit and cherimoya where I live, so I really look forward to receiving these! Dropping a link in case anyone else is interested:
https://www.rincontropics.com/shop/
Swimming. The water just holds you. You can cry into the pool and breathe while floating. You can hum a tune off key or focus on mind body while improving technique.
I like a good smoothie and vitamin D3.
Doing a 3 year journal and seeing how my life is different one year later on a day. This too shall pass 😉
Our cats. Brushing and playing lowers cortisol.
No napping for me. EARLY bedtime and long sleep. Leave the housework until you’re refreshed which won’t be long.
Reading with relevance. PM for my books for walking through grief.
Lastly I’m sprouting seeds and flowering bulbs because i relish the persistence of lif.
This is beautiful. Keep writing…
What’s saving my life right now?
Beautifully scented candles, sitting by our gas stove with a snuggly blanket, the space heater in my home office, my electric tea kettle, daily calls with our grandchildren, sunny days.
I’m so sorry you lost your Mom Anne.
I lost mine in October and miss her daily.
The number one activity for me to get myself out of my head is to go outside, rain or shine it doesn’t matter.
Going outside for a walk, hike or bike ride gives you purpose and appreciation for nature, it helps when you have a dog as your pal too.
(I typically do better in the winter because the hot/humid weather triggers my migraines. I treasure the few months of cooler temps … but then, I live in the South and realize the rest of the country is experiencing ice/snow/stuck indoors.)
I love to couple audiobooks with jigsaw puzzles in front of the fireplace.
Trying a new pastry at a new or favorite bakery.
Attending author events — in person or virtual.
1. Agatha Christie–my go-to author when I’m between books or I need to be assured that I’ll enjoy the book.
2. Soup–one pot and always comforting.
3. The increasing minutes of sunlight each day–I am always counting the minutes and days until the time change.
4. Camellias for most of the winter and daffodils now–so perfect and lovely, a bit of bright color in the gray.
5. Hearing my daughter practice The Entertainer on the piano–one of my favorite songs ever. She’s gets better with it every day.
Melissa – I agree about Agatha Christie! Whenever I need a comfort read I turn to her, and if I wake up in the night I listen to a Christie audio book.
This is a two part answer. The obvious, practical answer to what is saving my life right now is chemo. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in October. My final round of chemo will be on Valentine’s Day! The mental health answer to what is saving my life right now is the love and support from my family, friends, my students, my coworkers, our school community. And weekend naps!
Congratulations on your upcoming graduation from chemo!!! Wishing you health and peace.
I wish you all the best for your health, both physical and mental, and hooray for the end of chemo on Valentine’s Day!!
Praying for strength and healing as you get through your final round of chemo.
1. Yoga
2. Morning and Evening rituals
3. Bible study
4. Reaching out to friends
5. My new vacuum
6. The book A Three Dog Life, highly recommend for anyone who is grieving or wants to understand a friend who has suffered a great loss
What are your a.m. and p.m. rituals? Would love to know!
Loop earplugs. Muffling my husband’s snoring has meant that I’m actually getting good sleep which is such a relief.
Wait, what?? Tell me more. Do these work for side-sleeping? My dearly beloved, who is always part of saving my life in the dark times, has also started snoring in the last year, and I have the hearing of a bat. It’s a bad combo.
I’m a side sleeper and haven’t found anything that isn’t painful or useless. I’m looking into Loop NOW.
Yes, I am a side sleeper and they stay in place so well. I never could sleep with other earplugs in, but these are unobtrusive and stay put.
Your post made me a little emotional- it made me feel again the complex feelings I felt after my brother died at the age of 30. I understand how you feel, at least in part.
Knitting and listening to audiobooks is saving me right now. Better than an an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety drug. 🧶📚
Sending you a hug!
Rachel
The lovely people who come to the chair yoga class that I teach weekly give me a boost every time we meet. Getting together with them is one of the high points of my week. (The other is attending church and fellowshipping with the people there.)
I am currently having a beast of a winter: layoffs at work, chronic illness flare ups, English winter weather at its least attractive (middling temperatures and constant rain and grey gloom), continual rail strikes… What is absolutely saving my life is a re-watch of the glorious Jane the Virgin. The characters! The ridiculous banana-pants plots! The narrator! The Miami setting (okay, it’s Long Beach but shhh)!
Watching it at the time already felt like a big warm hug; on a rewatch, I’m super impressed with how intricately plotted it is. No detail is ever left hanging and when characters start to behave out-of-character, there’s always a reason. It is my nightly treat during a cold, bleak season, a much appreciated dose of warmth and fun.
Anne, I’ve been thinking about you and your family. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Winter is hard for me. My dad died in February 2022 and while the grief is better this year, it’s still there. And this year I’m dealing with other things. So this month is tough.
What’s saving my life or keeping my head above water:
1. Library books. Books generally, but our local library just reopened and while I loved the old branch and it held a lot of memories for me, the new branch is nice because it doesn’t and I can just go browse without any difficult memories of my dad. I’ve picked out a lot of good books. Trying to get into poetry.
2. Understanding colleagues. I’ve missed a lot of work recently due to health issues and my colleagues are helpful and kind and try to make me not feel guilty about it. They say it’s not a lot.
3. My morning latte.
“Everything – good, bad, and in-between – is temporary.” I’ve repeated this to myself over the past few years to stir up patience, grit, and gratitude. My son will be six months old tomorrow, and I have been trying to balance the preciousness of these ephemeral early days with the temerity of hormone- and exhaustion-induced mental and physical health. For better or worse, he is growing up quickly, and I’m trying to embrace both sides of that coin. That’s life in a nutshell for me right now. Hard seasons will pass but bear the rich fruit of hard-won character and wisdom.
This is so well said and such a good reminder. My 2 year-old would definitely appear both on the list of what’s killing me and what’s saving me. Being a parent is HARD, but so rewarding. This is a good reminder that more than one thing can be true. A reminder that I’ve definitely needed in a really tough season.
I’ve been thinking about your family Anne. ❤️
For me it’s been reading by the fire, walks with friends, watching movies nominated for the Oscars, & yin yoga
1. It’s such a tiny thing but I purchased a mirrorball about a month ago & when the winter sunlight hits it, the room is filled with with the loveliest sparkles.
2. Big mugs of Buttermint tea from Twinings.
3. Daily message conversations with my best friend.
4. Knitting.
5. Cosy gaming twitch streamers (my favourite is Sydney/TheSydCast.)
Sending much love to you Anne, & all other members of this wonderful community who are dealing with difficult things right now.
Mine is spending time outside. Winter in Calgary, Alberta can be harsh and very long, so I try to get outside every day no matter how cold it is. I just got new spikes for my shoes so I can walk outside even when it’s icy. Our favourite winter activity is skating. We skate outside on frozen lakes whenever possible, and when it’s too cold we skate indoors at the Olympic Oval.
I hate sweating and heat, so it’s no wonder that 2 of my 3 favorite sports are skating and skiing! We used to skate on the Olympic Speed Skating Oval in Lake Placid, NY, it was outside, but maintained and they had lights and a warming hut and it was free!
1. Daily spirituality
2. Walking into a room full of family
3. Escaping into my new favorite game on my phone for a bit
4. Crossing things off my To Do list.
5. The daffodils along my driveway that have their shoots up and are getting ready to bloom.
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your Mom, Anne. It is so hard to say goodbye to the ones we love.
In the last several months I have taken up watercolor painting. I am staying home more due to a family member who is ill, and I needed something creative to do along with reading. I have never, ever, painted at all in my life. It has been an amazingly helpful experience. And these days it is so easy to get started! Watch reels on Instagram, go to YouTube for further instruction, and order supplies online. Very grateful for this life-saving pastime.
Both of these are saving my life right now and in essence feel like forms of therapy:
1) Voice texting with a good friend of mine. Being able to leave messages back and forth for one another enables us to talk things through and encourages the sharing of detail far more than typing everything out. I feel more connected and more seen.
2) Podcasts (Of course WSIRN! But also We Can Do Hard Things, Kelly Corrigan Wonders, ReThinking with Adam Grant, Ten Percent Happier, Good Inside, Ask Lisa…)
Anne, I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mom. Sending positive healing vibes your way.
Thank you for asking us to take a step back and think about this question.
What’s saving me-
* My beautiful new sunroom
* Puzzles and audiobooks
* 3 5 star books in 2024 already
* A hot, sweet drink to start the day
* An upcoming vacation to the DR
* Friends and family
I’m so very sorry about your Mom, Anne. I try to visit my Mom as much as I can (she’s 87). Your loss is a reminder that every single minute with loved ones is precious. What’s saving me right now after a burst pipe and my husband’s heart surgery? An upcoming trip with my mom and my sisters to Disneyland and an Old Hollywood tour in LA – important to stay young at heart. And I love finding vintage treasures for my Etsy shop. That’s saved me for over a decade after becoming an empty-nester!
After a couple of years of banging my head against various issues at work, I am choosing to treat it as a job not a career, and a time-limited series of tasks not an emotional responsibility. Makes my life easier while other problems are bubbling away.
1) Listening to entertaining audio books with my husband during meals. Right now we are listening to books by Jesse Q. Sutanto; the narrators are excellent, and the books are funny.
2) Writing a daily delight each night in my journal, something that made me smile that day.
3) Taking an exercise class — I feel so good after the class, tired but knowing I did something good just for me.
4) Taking a 4-week painting class — it’s fun to play with color.
1. Shopping at the market and coming home to try out recipes, especially a new or tweaked soup on Sundays.
2. Baking again with joy!
3. Finding a church in my new city.
4. The sound of the water running in the small zen garden at my apt. complex.
5. Dr. Slump on Netflix, a K-drama that has the right combination of comedy and real life issues.
6. A new work schedule that has made my work more manageable.
It’s a tiny thing, but what is saving me right now is what I call my “fancy ice cubes.” I saw a Pinterst idea about this for the holidays to fun up your drinks, but I’ve carried it on into the new year and I love it! I bought a square ice cube mold, slice some oranges and fold them into the mold, then pour mango pineapple juice over them and freeze. They are giant, so I can put one in my Yeti and pour my favorite seltzer (Waterloo Peach) over it and it’s so tasty.
Here’s to the small things that keep us afloat!
My physical therapist. I had a high fracture in my humerus right near the ball and socket. First time for me with a major fracture. I needed surgery and was immobile for quite some time.
Also, thinking of Anne and her family. And Will, keep up the much needed work as Anne’s support human.
I live in sunny Arizona, and this is not as much of an issue here – SAD. I don’t think I could manage long dark winters though, except for the fact that I am able to sleep a bit later during this season. I’m already waking a bit earlier because the sun is starting to shine into my room a bit earlier. I share in hopes that someone will read this and look for the good things that take place in winter. I’m learning that it’s good to follow nature and rest for a season. God designed it this way for a reason. Although, I completely understand cabin fever and the need for warm sunshine on one’s face. ☀️😊
What’s keeping my head above water right now:
1) Scrapbooking – investing in telling the quieter stories and far, far cheaper than therapy
2) Reading, always
3) Seeking out Ted Lasso locations in Richmond, SW London with my teenager
4) Finalising a solo trip to New York City in the Spring and hoping to see my American cousins
5) looking forward to gathering with family to celebrate our great-nephew’s birthday
6) Knowing that this difficult season of my immediate family’s life won’t last forever.
I’m sending you warm thoughts as you move into this new chapter of your life.
Heartwarming and comedy shows to look forward to in the evening is something that helps my winter blues. Love on the Spectrum on Netflix has absolutely warmed my heart and the discovery of both Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon on Max have really made me laugh out loud. Re-watching Gilmore Girls because I love the imaginary Stars Hollow and all of the characters make me smile. I am not a binge watcher – so one episode a night can make you happy for a long time. Recommitting to gaining muscle mass, which as we age, will literally save our lives. 3 meals a week of Green Chef – meal delivery kits. It is so nice to just choose what I want delivered and then have all of the ingredients on hand to prepare. Pickleball. Everyday. I love to spend time with friends, challenge myself improving, and getting some exercise.
Anne,
The loss of your mom is so very hard, be gentle with yourself and the unexpected waves that may come, the firsts are the toughest but will ease up.
I am surving or keeping my head just above the water through:
1. My sweet dog Buddy, who loves to be pet, and gives so much affection.
2. My husband and his great sense of humour
3. Reading books from childhood wishes that I never got around to.
4. Having book meetings with my 9 year old grandson, our latest is “Where the Red Fern Grows”
5. Calls from my two grown sons
6. My sister and our delight in sewing, quilting with my friends
7. Watching and rewatching episodes of Perry Mason, and marveling at the wit and humour I missed before.
8. Going to Mass, and adoration and feeling peace and calm in the presence of Our Lord.
9. Doing things for others that helps them along their journey!
10. Reading and listening and relisteng to “What Should I read Next” and hearing your sweet and calming voice and laughter.
Thank you Anne
What’s saving me? Realizing that most things of the things I worry about turn out just fine.
Thinking of you, losing a parent is such a hard time and the hardest times can come really unexpectedly. What’s saving my life right now: 1) a good counselor, 2) chai tea with milk & honey, 3) time with family, 4) baths with Dr. Teals Good Night Foaming Bath, a candle and a good book, 5) people in my life who can help me find perspective.
A pot of tea in a tea cozy with my favorite mug is a great investment in self-care during this season.
“Saving my life right now” also feels like not the most apt description for my situation. I’m a first time mom of a 4 month old and we’ve been battling her difficulty gaining weight for months. Last week she got an NG tube after having that looming threat hanging over our heads. We’re mourning the time we thought we’d have with our infant and trying to accept how the time we get looks different. What’s helping us through that, at least for the time being, is daydreaming about taking her to Disney world tube free, whenever that time comes.
Big hugs Emilee. I had 2 failure to thrive children and it’s HARD! You are doing a wonderful job.
Love and comfort to you as you celebrate your Mom’s life but know it will be some time before you can see her face to face again. As I deal with my own issues and seek to survive, I’m choosing to do something for others, particularly during the Lenten season. I know that will strengthen me, physically and spiritually. I’m choosing to walk 25 miles (the length of Gaza) over the period of Lent, asking friends to pledge support. The money raised will go to feed the people of Gaza. My idea came from http://www.gazaceasefirepilgrimage.com/ I’ll be listening to good books while I walk as well.
[3] Teresa, Soliloquies 16.4, in The Collected Works of St. Teresa of Avila, vol. 1, trans. Kieran Kavanaugh and Otilio Rodriguez (Washington, DC: ICS Publications, 1976), 389.. I’m the plight of those in our world who are suffering. I’ve decided to walk every day,
It was on the third day after my mom died that I realized my husband had put a box of tissue in every room in the house. Thinking of you, Anne. Keep that emotional support human close.
What’s saving my life right now:
Walks in the morning with our Border Collie, Tucker.
The warm hooded jacket I bought in October, thinking we were in for a cold winter this year.
As always, my wonderful family.
Weekly FaceTime games, especially Spicy Farkle, and monthly Zoom chats with my friends.
My Beechmore Books 2024 Weekly Planner Diary.
Soap & Glory Original Pink Heel Genius Foot Cream (I’ve tried many brands. This is my favorite).
What brightens my winter months is reading many of the American Library Association’s Youth Media Award winning books announced the 4th Monday of January each year. I gather with outh other children’s literature living folks to listen to the announcements and take turns placing holds on the winning books. We then read and share those books around among us as they come in. What a rich, glorious, and educational way to brighten the often gloomy first few months of the year!
The Hudson River, which I see every day from my window. Its traffic provides a sense of action (hard for me sometimes, with MS) and progress (elusive for me sometimes, because — writing!); its colors and moods always change; if I look north, I can see the Little Red Lighthouse and remember reading to my kids when they were little; and if I squint past the bridge, I can see the Palisades and can enter the past. So it’s in every way the reason I can keep my head above water.
The Gym. I used to go to look good. Now I go to feel good, and it works!!
Skin Care as self care–inspired right here at MMD. I’ve never loved spending time or money on this but I’m finding it’s worth it.
Wallpaper. After scouring the internet and finding some amazing prints, I chose one and put it up this weekend. What an impact!! It makes me smile.
Letting go & enjoying what comes.
I am so sorry for your loss, Anne. May memories of happier times sustain you.
Saving my life right now and combatting sadness:
1. Fresh flowers from the grocery store or Trader Joe
2. Reading Romances. The books are forgettable for the most part but I know there will be HEA to come.
3. No snow and ice – no worries about falling
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your mom, Anne. Just remember: your grief, your mom, your love, your loss, your timeline, no one else’s. Listen to what your heart, body, and soul are telling you; you will work through this in your own time and your own way. We are all behind you!
We lost my father in law in November fairly suddenly to cancer so my heart goes out to you, Anne <3
What's saving my life right now:
– my The Comfy wearable blanket
– dinners with friends
– EMKfit dance workouts on YouTube
– fitting in extra small times for reading!
There’s a new business in town offering pre-made, healthy lunches. I love to cook, but I get home from work at 1 p.m. each day, and I’m HANGRY. I love that 2-3 days a week I can just grab a container of yummy deliciousness *that someone else made* and feel more like myself again within a few minutes. It’s a bit of a splurge, but at least I’m supporting a local business and eating better quality food.
I know how completely privileged this sounds but having a ski pass to our local ski resort has been saving my life. I love getting to go with my daughters. My knees might not like it so much but the rest of me does!
Pickleball when it’s nice out. It’s just nearly impossible to have a bad time playing pickleball with friends.
Outdoor walks no matter the weather. I really love that crisp temp when your body feels ok when you’re bundled up & the air just feels fresh & crisp on your face (i’m not talking -12°… more like 42°).
Sorry for your loss Anne. I always find it is the little things that are saving me https://myviewofthehoneypot.blogspot.com/2024/02/what-is-saving-me.html
WELLNESS, following a 2-month season of a continuous series of infections.
Time with my (grown) son, who’s MY Emotional Support Human.
Watching the backyard birds at our feeders.
Our neighbor’s cat, who spends much of the day curled up in a chair here… guess I’m HER Emotional Support Human!
Upbeat podcasts centered on the pursuit of hobbies, contentment, happiness, decluttering.
Anticipation of a trip to experience the solar eclipse.
Anticipation of several concerts and art exhibits this spring.
Time with a good friend, celebrating her emancipation and perfect landing.
Swapping texts and emails with friends and family.
Saturday Night Live.
Working on the library fundraiser.
Yummy coffee from a local roaster, and a wonderful brand of chocolates.
A good B-12 supplement!
Brightly-colored clothing
Can’t take my walks now, due to a foot injury, but look forward to healing eventually.
Anne, deepest condolences on the loss of your mom. My thoughts are with you as you navigate this difficult “crossroads of life.”
Swing dancing classes with my husband. Reading! Praying the Liturgy of Hours through the laudate app – I’m not Catholic, but absolutely love this beautiful practice. It’s grounding and brings me peace.
I’m in my mid-forties and lost my mom two years ago. Your list of things keeping you from drowning brought tears to my eyes as I recognized the list from my time of sorrow. My daughter would track my location on her phone to make sure I wasn’t driving aimlessly in grief. Nothing will make it better but the community you have surrounding you will keep your head above the water. <3
So sorry for your loss, Anne. I’ve been praying for God’s comfort to surround you and your family.
What’s saving my life right now is doing jigsaw puzzles while I watch a movie or listen to a book, walking outside (because I can this year with no snow or ice in Minnesota), game nights with friends and family, my heated blanket while I read and drink tea, my quiet time with God.
I’m amazed at all the comments which I really enjoyed reading and am going to write a few down for the low moments of winter.
I love winter,it’s my season but this year all of our snow has been replaced by ice and it’s miserable! What is helping this year is my slip on ice cleats for my winter boots. They feel weird but at least I can walk my dog without falling. The next item would be my grey cashmere cardigan from a eco/ethical company. It has been worth every penny. Cozy and soft but still work appropriate. My third would be the anticipation for the MMD Spring book preview and all the new books to look forward to. It was so nice to have something to look forward to in January. I’m not sure if that happens every year but it made a huge difference in my January. Next would be going to the library every 3 weeks with my adult daughters. It’s a good excuse to get out of the house on the weekend and am so happy my library has the funds now to open on weekends again. Also making a monthly menu and then picking everyone’s favorite for another week of brainless choices. This has definitely changed my chore of weekly menus to having 5 weeks done.
Have a good day everyone!
For me, what’s saving my life right now is:
1. A family vacation to Disney in 2 weeks, and my sister is flying out from California to join us. This will be the first family vacation since 2019 where it’s actually the whole family.
2. Sunshine
3. A cup of tea at the end of the day
4. The amazingly supportive women in my church small group
5. Salad kits. They save me from spending money on takeout and from having to plan what to make/bring for lunch.
6. New York Times crosswords
7. The Great British Baking Show. To me, it’s like the TV version of a warm hug.
Making a gratitude list. Getting outdoors. Volunteer. Reconnecting with friends. Meditation. Reevaluating boundaries and stick to them. Giving myself a day off no matter what’s going on. Going to bed earlier. Learning a new skill/profession. Reading.
Things that helped me:
Opening all the windows in my house for 5-10min to air it out.
a clean house
your book recommendations and reading this
going for a drive to no where
some fresh baked cookies
Goodness, what a lot of good letters and ideas! Took me a long time to read through them all, and my little offering will not matter much (and I’m a day late). What’s saving me now is:
1. Letters. Real snail mail letters. The NYT had an article the other day subtitled “What We Need Now? Handwritten cards and letters.” They are so right! My sister just sent me a long handwritten letter, and so did a friend in Utah, complete with her drawings. Unbeatable!
2. I got a trial sub to Hulu channel and am binge watching “Mediterranean Life”, a “House Hunters” type of show, but all the places they look at are in the Med., including Spain, Italy, France, Greece, Sicily and Sardinia and Malta—–OH MY GOODNESS, the beauty of the water, the colors, and the charm of the Mediterranean!! It douses my brain with joy.
3. Longer days. It was dark here in eastern Maine at 3:45 in Dec, and now it’s more like 5 pm. And with a mild week in the 40s this week, our hens are out! It gives me so much pleasure to see them scratching around and murmuring to themselves (and shamelessly begging for handouts.) They make the ugly weather scene bearable.
4. Soups. I have discovered that I can make my own soups, entirely from scratch (or not) and entirely at my whim. I can clean out the frig. And they taste really good!!
5. ALWAYS BOOKS and reading. I love journaling and I love (trying) to write reviews. I love bookstagram and book podcasts.
I’m sorry for your loss.
What’s saving me is my dogs and the few spring flowers starting to appear.
I am not a fan of winter, it’s so gray for something like 5 months straight it seems like. I usually sneak in a couple of trips to Florida and visit my mom, which helps a lot, but this year we went to California and I am not taking my usual March trip, so it’s a little more spread out. Things saving me now:
– The occasional days where we have actually seen the sun (we went 51 days with mostly or totally cloudy skies before we had a few sunny days) and last week’s unseasonably mild weather
– My upcoming trip (in April) to Utah to visit a friend I haven’t seen in over 10 years. We’re going to visit some national parks, do lots of catching up, do some geocaching and more
– Orange chocolate coffee from a local coffee roaster
– Feeling like I am finally (after more than a year) making progress in my Achilles recovery
– Daily walks. I’ve set a goal to walk at least a mile every day, and when I started getting bored with my usual route I upped the ante and decided to take at least one picture of something I notice along the way and post it in a Facebook album. It’s been a nice way to actually be present when I am walking and pay attention to my surroundings.
– Audiobooks. I’ve always read more in print than anything but I’ve started making a point to always have an audiobook going for when I am walking, doing chores, etc. While I don’t care about my numbers, it’s definitely increased my book consumption, too.
Getting together once a week with my besties to watch The Bachelor. It’s partially guilty pleasure, but more a reason to get together.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Anne. I lost my mom six years ago. Just keeping your head above water sounds about right. Take care
What’s saving my life? I’m trying to focus on the small things because the big things (roof, job, etc.) are easier to identify
— I started making muffins every Friday after work, a nice way to start the weekend. I keep three and give away the rest.
— The Bucilla stocking that I will finally finish after buying it three years ago. It’s a good distraction from scrolling.
— Bagged salad, with a turkey sandwich, one lasts for three lunches.
— Planning this year’s trips in advance. Looking forward to seeing family and friends
— Sunrise at 7:15 where I stop for five minutes, drink my peppermint tea and do some box breathing between eating breakfast and starting the rest of the day.
My walks in the woods with my dogs. We live where there is lots of cold weather (really cold weather) and snow so getting out daily and taking my dogs off leash saves me. There are a few days where it is just too cold and on those days we do nose games and training but it is not the same.
December 2023 we lost our home in a house fire. My nephew graciously insisted we stay with him for as long as we needed. This gave us time and space to deal with insurance and find a new home.
Just over a year later we are happily settled in a new home. I’m finding joy folding laundry, running the vacuum – the simple acts of housekeeping. I’m loving Diane in Denmark. I want to be mindful of what I bring into the new space. Her cozy minimalist hygge is just the thing.
https://youtube.com/@DianeinDenmark?si=6k_m3Pw1hWigwpAo
Anne, I’m so sorry for your loss. Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve or how long to grieve. People will try, ignore them. They have never known real grief.
Getting together with my 2 besties to watch our favorite reality show and chat.
My cats.
Visits with my sister.
My daughter and grandhorse.
Dear Anne – So sorry for the unexpected loss of your mom. Losing our parents, no matter how old we are is hard. (((Hugs))).
Besides great books and my book club. What’s saving me during these hard, dreary, dark days of winter when the students at the elementary school of which I am the principal are going off the rails is college basketball. My husband and I follow two teams closely, his alma mater and our local university. Which means we have four games a week to look forward to watching. Having something to look forward to makes the hard days more bearable.
Yes to all the heating pads!
Shower Steamers are surprisingly lovely; who has time to soak in the tub? But a lavender shower steamer is just the nicest small luxury. And the book Pete and Alice in Maine. WOW. Gorgeous writing and while it’s one of the rawest things I’ve ever read, it’s amazingly comforting to think you’re not alone. Just read it to see what I mean!!
Thank you for creating this space, Anne. My Dad died one year ago. A few months later we welcomed a new baby into our busy large family.
-Your blog has been a gentle gift. During night feeds and snuggling a wee one, while grieving and missing my Dad, I’ve slowly been working my way through your archives.
-I’ve been making myself a hot London Fog Latte (with maple syrup) a couple or few times a week.
-Life with my kids in all their stages, from young adults to little baby, brings me delight, they are so interesting and awesome in their unique ways. And being mindful of this joy is what helps keep me above the water, because being a parent is also hard, and I so often feel inadequate.
1. Sunshine!
2. Plans for travel.
3. Scheduled reading time.
4. Hot tea.
5. Evenings with hubby.
Sending love and prayers your way, Anne.
Prayer.
5 year journal with intentional moments of joy/good each day.
The soundtrack, “Today I can be brave.”
Reading.
Wordle & Connections exchanges with my college son.
My husband’s consistent love & dependability.
Working with a team of people who care about changing lives.
Wordle and Connections texts are on my list too! I also love my 5 year journal. I am on my second journal and year 7. It’s so fun to look back and see what we did on that specific day.
I am year 10 in my second 5-year journal. I will have to buy a new one this year.
Planning a week in Provence in April has already managed to transport me there – anticipation is everything! And just finished The Offing by Benjamin Myers which was slow and beautiful, an ode to summer in the countryside and ended with the most touching words of acknowledgements, dedicating the book “to librarians everywhere and booksellers and teachers and all who work towards sharing a passion for the power of the written word.” Made my heart swell (I work at the library). ♥
My dogs, Phinley and Wrigley (7 and 4 year old black labs). They remind me to be present, always. And their unconditional love reminds me I’m needed and loved, always.
My 5 year-old niece, who also reminds me to be present, silly, and above all, be ready at any time for a dance party. Oh, and she also reminds me (or at least tells me) that I’ve got “good moves” 😉
The knowledge that before every rainbow, there has to be at least some rain.
Community saves me. As much as I love my solitude with my books and needlework, I crave belonging. Since moving here 5 short years ago, my husband and I been blessed to find a group of friends who we can laugh, cry, pray and fellowship with.
I’m sorry for your loss. A good friend has just published a book on grieving. It’s called Grieving Room by Leanne Friesen. When you are ready, it might be a good companion for you at this time. Take care.
These are ten things that are making me happy/saving my life right now: https://www.livingonthesunnyside.com/whats-making-me-happy-right-now-2024/
Thinking of you & your family. Family is everything. Hugs!
Oh my heart with your daughter texting you.
What’s saving me right now is a YouTube stream of a bald eagle’s nest in Big Bear Valley, CA. Mama Jackie has laid 3 eggs and had to weather the storm last week dumping rain and snow on her. She doesn’t let papa Shadow sit on the eggs during the storm, but once it cleared after 60+ hours, he shows up at sunrise with a fish for her.
Also it appears from the comments that it’s time to buy a heating pad!
My 16-year-old getting her license! I always enjoy this tradition.
http://under-the-lintel.blogspot.com/2024/02/whats-saving-my-life-right-now.html
Yes to heating pads! And heated rice bags. I make a little nest of warmth and take a nap. And naps, they are helping me keep my head above water.
Beth Brower’s charming series “The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion”. Emma is such a witty heroine and these books brighten any day for me!
Reading these answers has been inspirational for me. Validating what I’m doing right, alerting me to what I could add to my days, pointing out what I am not realizing or doing that would be of such help. Thanks to all of you for sharing from your hearts. My beautiful mom lived to 99 1/2, gifting me with her wisdom, love and caring for 75 years of my own life. Her loss made me grateful for every one of the moments we shared. Your loss, and the losses of your followers, will eventually become a cherished part of your life in time as grief gives up more of its space to joyful and grateful memories of what you once had and now treasure.
I too am in a season of grief after losing my dad in December. We’ve also had some warm weather here in Iowa, so this winter season feels weird. I have a few odd items that are saving my life, but it’s also a lot of the things that always do…coffee, books, puzzles, and hugs from friends and family.
https://www.sincerelystacie.com/2024/02/whats-saving-my-life-february-2024-edition/
YouTube playlists of relaxing piano or guitar music.
I’m so sorry about your mom. I lost my dad suddenly 18 years ago and still miss him. Prayers to you and your family.
What’s saving my life?
-I left full-time work last year as the stress was off the charts. I now have a part-time job that keeps me in a routine, and of course, God bless my husband for supporting me in that decision.
-Sugar free Red Bull. It’s my go to for caffeine since I hate coffee.
-Vitamin B12. Kicking SAD to the curb.
-Walking outdoors.
All my best to you and your family.
Re-reading old favorites, particularly The Hunger Games trilogy. Having lunch with friends. Sunshine. Going to bed early.
I am so sorry to hear that your mother passed away. I am holding you and your family in prayer.
My mother died unexpectedly when I was 41 years old. The best thing anyone said to me, that stuck with me and ultimately helped me the most, was from my husband’s friend, Craig. Craig’s father had died when Craig was in his thirties. He told me, “it took about three years before his being gone seemed ‘normal.'” And it was true for me, too. I mean, you get back to your daily life and your kids and work and home because you have to. But your mind and heart take a while to catch up. It’s ok. It will be ok.
Getting backlist hardcover books from the library is my current pleasure. And this morning I made egg sandwiches for breakfast with some crazy spicy pepper-crusted bacon.
Music is always what saves me when I am overwhelmed. I’m an old lady who likes hard rock. I have a SiriusXM subscription and crank up the Octane channel. Halestorm, Disturbed, and Godsmack are some of my favs. I just lose myself in the lyrics.
I read these every time you post them, and I don’t comment… except for today.
“For me, it’s more like: what’s keeping my head above water right now?”
I feel this so deeply – and felt it when my mom passed. There were things I had to do (why does a sudden stop generate so much action?), and there were so many little things – people showing up with lunch, doing an errand, just being there – that kept my head above water during that time.
I’m in another tough season right now, which I’ve dubbed my Hot Mess Season, and it’s enough to just do the basics, and enjoy snuggles with my critters.
Huge hugs to you and your family, Anne!
This February is a leap year and, unbelievably, that means it has been four years since my father made the incredibly brave choice to have MAiD (Medical Assistance in Dying). He chose February 29, 2020 not because, as some people thought, he knew the pandemic was coming, but rather, he said (tongue firmly in cheek) then we would only have to think about him every four years. Funny joke, Dad.
So, whether it’s a leap year or not, February is hard and always seems much longer than 28 (or 29) days. This year my husband’s job moved us to a tiny town in another part of the country where we didn’t know a soul. Our young adult children are far away and although they are all doing well, getting themselves established, it’s hard not to be close by. And my mother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, although it’s still early stages, I worry about what is to come and not being able to be there for her and my sister.
As for what is actually saving my life right now, I’ve met a lovely group of women of varying ages and stages who have embraced me in this new place. The only catch is that they are cold plunge enthusiasts which means a few days a week when high tide is right we all meet to walk into the frigid waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Bizarrely, this has saved me. I am doing something really hard but only lasts for a very short time and has the most amazing effect, I feel happier after having done it and I look forward to the next time.
I realized I don’t have an answer to this question, really. I think my answer, like yours, will be what’s keeping my head above water. My great-grandmother passed away a little over two weeks ago and. We were close, and I feel unmoored, like one of the few people whose love for you is unconditional is now gone. It’s left a hole in my family and in my heart and life. On top of that it’s my fiancé’s dad’s birthday today, and we lost him about 11 months ago. It will be a full year on March 14. We had been taking care of him until he passed. We are struggling. A lot right now. So what’s keeping my head above water – trying to read and watching ridiculous amounts of book videos on YouTube. I know it will get better, but man, it’s hard right now.
Anne, your words express a heartbreak and craving for comfort that are so familiar. I lost my sister 3 1/2 years ago at age 52, also unexpectedly. It is still hard, but like Kathy I felt a shift in perspective after 3 years. What saves me is taking joy in the little things – squirrels, dogs, the little moments of unexpected humor that pop up. As well as my sweet teenagers and longtime, dear friends who have grown up and endured hardship together. Also, dark chocolate and Encanto.
I read every night before going to sleep and I am also watching re-runs of the Waltons. Reminds me of childhood, but also, surprisingly mirrors some current dilemmas we are still facing today.
I lost two people who were important to me in April and June. Then in November my best friend died and a month later my dog unexpectedly died! I set February (birth month) as an exploration of grief. I am reading books and exploring podcasts about grief and loss. This helping me to heal and to honor the process.
Susan, love this intentional deep-dive you’re taking on.
What is saving my life right now is the Netflix series “Call the Midwife.” The love, service, compassion and community has given permission to tears to fall that I struggled to release through all the hard things in 2023.
Jesus- always Jesus! Being in a good Bible study really helps! ❤️
music — lots of classical and jazz (the classical is unusual for me, playing Pachible’s Canon a great deal)
Gaming group makes Fridays a day to look forward to every week
All Arts Network which helped through the Pandemic is still a major source of mental happiness for me– cultural events and films, museums I wouldn’t have access to at this point due to geography or health issues
Library
Friends a great and diverse support group
Sewing quilt tops and putting it all together and machine quilting it. 🥹
Time with grand children has helped a LOT!! Also a girls weekend last week that we’d planned back in November. Who knew it would come at just the right time. Sunshine, when we are blessed to have it appear in MI, is truly a mood saver!
Last year was a series of losses and grief, as both my mother-in-law and mom passed away within months of each other. My mom’s death was also unexpected. I’m still picking up the pieces emotionally. My friends were absolutely champions at helping me keep going when I needed to, especially my best friend who spent her spring break helping me clear out my mom’s house. Reading, of course, was a great comfort (when I could concentrate) as was lying on the couch watching comfort TV when everything seemed too hard. I wrote this post when I was in the thick of it: http://www.catchinghappiness.com/2023/03/getting-through-tough-times.html. And later I wrote this one, about books that saved my sanity: http://www.catchinghappiness.com/2023/07/some-books-that-saved-my-sanity.html.