It’s that time of year when I’m taking stock of the year gone by and making plans for the year to come—and in doing so noticed a gap on the blog. I no longer share what I learned regularly, as I did for years, but we have regular rhythms around here where we share what worked and what didn’t and what’s saving our lives.
In all these places, for nearly four years now, I’ve consistently referred to a planning rhythm that has brought much stability and joy to my life, and that is my Friday coffee planning meetings. I’ve never talked about that here in any kind of detail on the blog, in part because the first time I mentioned it, I thought the basics were self-explanatory (it’s right there in the name, right?) and I didn’t think the details mattered. Besides, people are always working and meeting and planning in coffee shops (gosh it’s nice to say that again after the intense pandemic years); what could you possibly find interesting about my own routine?
Well. You’ve consistently told me that I need to say more. I wrote about this topic in a 2020 newsletter, but new readers are constantly asking for all the juicy details. My little tweak may have been simple, but you continue to remind me that it’s not always easy to arrive at simple solutions. The cusp of the new year feels like a good time to talk about one of my planning essentials, and that is the Friday morning coffee meeting. Let’s do this!
Making planning a priority
I should begin by saying that while I love to plan, I’m a pantser by nature. The seed of change was when I realized that I needed to carve out time for long-term, big-picture business planning. And I needed a consistent time to focus on the nitty-gritty details. (I get more excited about the former than the latter. I doubt you’re surprised.) Many of these conversations need to happen with one of my team members: my husband Will, who serves as our operations manager for all things Modern Mrs Darcy and What Should I Read Next.
Once upon a time, before we instituted this regular practice, we struggled to build these check-ins into the rhythm of our weeks. On paper, Fridays seemed like a great time to focus on this stuff, but I never wanted to, and when the quick Friday meeting we’d penciled in rolled around I never felt I could spare the time. For many months, Will and I talked vaguely about how we should make this a regular thing and planning should be a priority, but we struggled to actually make it happen regularly. These sessions always felt like an interruption, because come Friday I’d be desperate to cross a few more things off my to-do list before the weekend. Too often I’d cancel the meeting, or cut it short.
But then. One week, after many moons of these Friday check-ins not working at all, we foresaw we had an especially long list of dreams and details to get through for one planned session. We decided a change of scenery might be nice, so instead of meeting at home like usual we moved our session to a local coffee shop.
All we did was change the venue—but I couldn’t believe the difference it made. And that change inspired us to further refine our practice to make it even more useful.
Building a routine that works
Of course we all want to make one easy upgrade that changes everything. The challenge is in seeing the opening, and knowing what to do next. Let’s take a look at why this once-new routine has stuck like glue for over four years now:
1. We automated it. These regular meetings are key to us doing great work, so we have to make them happen—and do so with a recurring calendar appointment. If someone has a scheduling conflict, we can work around it, knowing that Friday morning is the default. (Travel aside, scheduling conflicts are rare because we prioritize and plan around this meeting.) We’ve found this allows us to discuss and focus on big-picture priorities in the morning, and then use that information in the afternoon as we respectively plan our coming weeks.
We used to keep a running list in our journals of discussion topics but we’ve since shifted to a shared Google Drive doc so we can each see the agenda we’re jointly build. We tackle the big picture plans first, then, when we’re already on a roll, we knock out the nitty-gritty details.
2. We acknowledged this meeting time is an investment. Sometimes you’ve got to take time to make time. (Thanks for that great phrase, Laura Vanderkam!) Friday planning doesn’t feel urgent at the time; it feels like I could be ticking through my to-do list instead. But everything runs so much more efficiently when we take time to talk things over.
3. We made it FUN. We both love coffee, and we built that into our rhythm. We’re Friday regulars at a local spot, but sometimes we mix things up (especially when the bourbon tourist Airbnb crowd descends on our usual for a special event), visiting another favorite spot or a new one we want to try in our town. (Louisville friends: is it just me or are new coffee shops popping up everywhere?)
4. We splurged a little. Sure, we could have these meetings at home. We could even meet by video if we’re apart. But these meetings feel special—and important—in part because we’re getting out and drinking good coffee. Sometimes, if we’re on a roll, that might mean a second round of lattés. That feels like such an indulgence to this naturally frugal girl (who makes really good coffee at home), but I am 100% it’s worth it. (An interesting side note: I learned in the course of writing Don’t Overthink It that so many people who don’t otherwise consider themselves to be overthinkers struggle mightily with decisions—small or large—involving money.)
When we first implemented this change, I leaned heavily on principles from Don’t Overthink It, the book I was writing at the time. I’m so grateful I now have them in my toolbox. I once wrote a blog post asking the question, What’s your unfair advantage? Since 2019, I honestly feel like my unfair advantage is that I spent a couple of years of my life immersed in the topic of overthinking, which runs deeper and wider in our lives than I’d realized: I learned about rumination and worry, sure. But I also learned how to lay a firm foundation for solid mental processes, to bring my priorities and my calendar into tighter alignment, to streamline and make simple changes that save me serious headaches. Friday coffee is one of them!
It’s that time of year when many of us are evaluating hits and misses from the year gone by, and contemplating what practices we want to adopt for the year to come. Friday planning coffee is unlikely to be the tweak you need for your 2024, but I’m willing to bet that you have openings in your own life—places where one easy upgrade could change everything—that are ripe for transformation. The challenge is in seeing the opening, and knowing what to do next.
Have you ever made a small tweak that’s made a big difference in your life? Where and how do you like to do big-picture planning? This is a great time to share: would you tell us all about it in comments?
27 comments
I set aside an hour on Sundays to do detailed planning for the upcoming week. At the beginning of each month, I take time to plan the month and see where I can squeeze in some fun things like a hiking day or fun adventure.
That’s my routine too … I do my weekly planning while waiting for my daughter at her weekly orchestra rehearsal. I love the timing — Sunday afternoon is perfect for me!
Planning isn’t my favorite thing to do so I appreciate the idea of trying to make it more enjoyable! For me, I’ve struggled over the years with my birthday feeling overwhelming in how to celebrate it well. This year I spent the afternoon of my birthday writing thank you notes to people who have made a difference in my life over the past year. It was the best birthday I’ve had in years and it prompted a regular gratitude practice. Practicing gratitude is a small exercise but has been revolutionary for my well-being and perspective.
I just love this!
I love this too!
I used to send flowers to my mom on my birthday. Since she passed, I choose a different person every year who means a lot to me. In the card I tell them of the previous tradition and thank them for being there.
What a lovely way to honor her memory.
I love this SO much. Coincidentally, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about moms and birthdays. I used to always think on my kids’ bdays, 21 and 24, that it was the saddest day and the happiest day for me. Sad that they were getting older, but happy they were flourishing and well. My youngest just turned 21 at college and it was really the first BD we haven’t seen her. Her friends had a party etc and it made me think about how you think your BD is really about you, but that REALLY it’s a huge day for your mother. I don’t know why it really hadn’t hit me that way before. I love this idea of the flowers and I am going to copy it!
You have such a good point Leigh! I began taking the week of my own birthday off work to go spend it with my mom many years ago. I have a summer bday and the pool is our favorite place so we pile up our books and spend the week reading and chatting about life in the pool. I treasure this time with her so much and I think it’s delightful to acknowledge how much birthdays mean to our moms too. I’m so glad you mentioned it!
I’m newly not working (I shy away from the “r word – retirement), and I’m realizing that the ideas in my head aren’t making it to real life. So even for the unemployed for any reason – it seems planning with intention might lend itself well to fulfillment. Thanks for the details of your Friday coffee.
I agree. I have so many co-workers who have said they don’t want to retire because they don’t know what they’d do with themselves. I want to have a rich and fulfilling retirement and that takes planning and intention.
The first year or so of my retirement were spent with a cross country move and settling into a new home in a new city. But when the dust settled from all that, I found myself, first of all, just moving through my days with no real sense of purpose or accomplishment. The first thing I did was to start journaling my days, to note when I fertilized the plants or had lunch with a friend. The next step was to start a monthly, detailed to do list, and transfer that to a daily to do list. Planning out on a bigger scale is definitely the next step. Thank you Anne, for this post; it is a great nudge to keep moving forward on this journey.
I’m right there with you – I can’t accept “retired” – more like “in limbo”
What’s your favorite local coffee shop?!
This was a great post! In retirement, I find that it is essential to set aside time for planning. Just a note: I really miss What’s Saving My Life, too!
We always post about and host What’s Saving My Life right around February 2! It’s on the calendar for 2024.
Thank for the heads up. I am not sure what What’s Saving My Life is. However, I will look out for it.
Many comments referred to being uncomfortable with the word “retirement.” The word my husband uses is “preferment,” which offers a different perspective. Preferment, however, still takes planning with an emphasis on knowing one’s priorities and how to manage them. And staying aware of one’s energy and what is possible now. As always, thank you for all you do and all you are.
Thanks for sharing! I know Laura Vanderkam has recommended weekly planning meetings before, but I think the practice or making it an event like this by going to a coffee shop makes it sound much more appealing. I’m looking forward to trying this out!
Thanks for the reminder about weekly planning sessions. Several years ago, I’d go to a favorite breakfast or coffee shop on the weekends with my planner. The structure and regularity made a big difference. Something new/old to do in 2024!
one article I read a few years ago when I was about to stop working suggesting calling it ‘re-“tire”ment’ putting new wheels on your body and going lots of new places and doing new things. Has “worked out” well for me.
Loving all these ideas. The gift of time of an empty nest, and retired, needs a bit of tweaking here to feel more productive.
Love this! It’s interesting that you mention Laura Vanderkam. Her latest book Tranquility by Tuesday has a whole chapter about planning on Fridays.
Please share how you make good coffee at home, Anne. I’m grinding beans in a burr grinder, then using a Chemex automatic to make my coffee. Love the looks of my coffee setup but the coffee is disappointing. It’s still not as good as McDonalds! I order my beans from a specialty roaster. What kind do you use? Thanks in advance for any help you can give this coffee-loving gal!
I’m trying something new this year, because I don’t want to get to October and remember the things I forgot to do. I printed out “2024” large and colorful on a piece of paper and have been jotting things down that I want to do this year. I also printed out six pieces of paper with the months on them. On Monday, I’m going to write out when we plan to do the items on the 2024 list – some are necessary, like “rebuild the patio”, while others are travel and we just need to choose when to do it; still others are just things we have been putting off, like “set up a trust”. I’m nerdily excited about planning out the year.
I love this idea! I could *feel* how excited you are about it, too.
Jennifer, you would love Gretchen Rubin’s (author of The Happiness Project and many more books on happiness and habits) concept of “24 for 2024”. You make a list of 24 things you would like to accomplish or do in the year 2024. They can range from fun and whimsical to uber practical. I like to put a mix of items. This year I’ve added her twist of on the 24th of every month I’m going to check in on my list and see how I’m doing and then make a plan for knocking an item or two off in the upcoming month. It’s always a fun “challenge”.