Dear Readers, it’s my pleasure to welcome MMD team member Sara Aeder to the blog for the first time! Sara serves as our What Should I Read Next community manager; if you’re not active in our Patreon community you may not know her well and I’m happy to remedy that today. When Sara told me she was interested in writing about mahjong for our “Raving Fans” series I couldn’t say yes fast enough. I hope you enjoy Sara’s words as much as I did. Welcome, Sara! -a
I have never been a game-player. I didn’t grow up playing family games of Twister or poker, and I don’t have much of a competitive streak. Don’t tell my kids, but I really had to dig deep inside myself to summon the enthusiasm needed to play round after round of Scrabble, Trouble, and Monopoly Junior. But everything changed the moment I discovered mahjong.
It turns out I am obsessed with a game created in 19th century China. A game so complicated that it took me 6 sessions with a professional to learn how to play. A game that requires a fairly significant investment of time, as well as a square table I don’t own.
In one sense, it’s my destiny to be a mahjong lover. Mahjong (alternatively spelled mah-jongg) has a long history among Jewish women. While mahjong gained popularity among Americans of all backgrounds in the 1920s, Jewish women in particular took to the game, gathering in groups of four in their bungalow colonies, hotels in the Catskills, and Lower East Side tenements. (The version popular among Jewish women has evolved significantly from the original Chinese game, to the point that it can now be considered a different game entirely). Many young Jewish people connect mahjong to memories of their grandmas playing with a posse of women, sharing gossip and building strong friendships while calling for cracks, bams, and dots.
While my grandmothers did not, to the best of my knowledge, play the game, my interest in mahjong was piqued when I saw a flier advertising a 3-session learn-to-play course for young moms at my local Jewish Community Center. It seemed like a nice way to meet new people, eat some snacks, and get out of the house.
I may have been a bit too cavalier about learning mahjong, because I left those first three sessions dejected, sure that I would never learn how to play. Mahjong tiles are composed of three suits (bam, crack, and dot). And also winds. And flowers. And dragons. And the dragons are paired with specific suits. And the white dragon is called soap. And before you start to play, you have to learn complicated choreography (appropriately called “the Charleston”) during which time you trade tiles with other players, even though you are not quite sure which tiles you actually need. Suffice it to say, I was not a raving fan when I left those first three sessions.
But I persevered. A group of my friends decided to hire the JCC instructor to teach us privately and guide us as we learned to play. As I tentatively chose hands, called for tiles, and asked once again “so red dragons go with…crack?”, I slowly realized that I was falling in love with this game. I love the challenge of it, the satisfaction of winning a hand, and the excuse to hang out with friends on a Wednesday night. My friends and I all realized we do indeed have competitive streaks, keeping our eyes keenly on the tiles our opponents threw out, ready to call for the piece we needed and get that much closer to winning.
I love belonging to the mahjong community. My best friend bought me a “Mahjong Mama” sweatshirt, and I received a beautiful set of tiles for my birthday. I also taught my children and husband how to play. (Strangely, my 6- and 9-year-old kids didn’t seem to struggle as I did learning the rules of the game). It’s liberating having a game that makes my children happy that I also enjoy playing. The group of moms who I play with are continuing the tradition of our grandmothers, albeit with the addition of a WhatsApp group called “Mahjong Warriors.” Much like a book club, mahjong provides an excuse to be in community, learn something new, and take much-needed time for myself.
Unfortunately, I don’t think there are really any shortcuts to learning to play mahjong. You could read a book or watch a Youtube video, but the only way I could begin to feel comfortable playing was by, well, playing. I recommend finding a teacher or a group of people willing to slow down their play enough to teach a newbie, and committing to a regular practice of getting together with good people to learn this fascinating game. Call me old-fashioned, but those grannies were on to something.
Have you ever played mahjong? What’s your favorite game to play? Have YOU developed a midlife obsession you never saw coming? Please tell us all about it in the comments section!
About the author
Sara Aeder is our What Should I Read Next Community Manager. Her go-to books include gentle and witty fiction, pop culture essays, and humorous and twisty whodunnits.
44 comments
Officially obsessed with Mah Jongg, too! I play at my community center and with groups of friends. Isn’t it the best game? May you draw many jokers…
Amen!
I learned to play MJ last year and play with friends once a week. I love it! Love this article!
Thanks Dawn! It’s too fun, right??
Of course there’s a connection to books! The Last Kings of Shanghai is utterly fascinating: nonfiction about how Jews of Baghdad had impact on China and how Shanghai became a refuge for Jews during the Holocaust. Jews in Shanghai were impressed by Chinese hospitality and customs and chose to teach their children English rather than German. According to friends (and not mentioned in the book), Jewish women who came to America from Shanghai brought Mah Jong with them.
Of course there is! Thanks for sharing these, Kathleen!
One of my favorite books about Holocaust refugees in Shanghai (fiction) is The Song of the Jade Lily by Kirsty Manning. And my kids have a very sweet book called Shanghai Sukkah. It’s a fascinating moment in history! Thank you for adding to my TBR!
Love it for the way it allows you to relax with friends—your brain has to concentrate and so your other troubles leave for awhile!
Isn’t that the truth!
Love Mah Jongg and Canasta, I taught Mah Jongg at Adult Ed in Maine.
That’s awesome! Do you think I can learn Canasta?
My obsession for years, after receiving my first iPad, is online word games. My favorite is Upwords and I play in leagues with such nice people all over the world.
After my second kid was born, I decided that it was time for me to join the generations of Jewish women before me and create my own Mahj group. I invited a large group to learn – some I knew well and some I didn’t really know at all. In time, we formed a tight group of six and have become close friends, who try to play ever try week. It is a wonderful game but the sense of community is really what makes it great.
That’s amazing! The community part is so special.
Hi Sara!! I have been wanting to learn. I’m not sure if my synagogue has classes but friends of mine through JFCS keep saying they’re going to teach me. I’m ready!
The time has come!
Yes. Playing Mahjongg with my friends is the highlight of the week. It’s fun, but our group can’t actually talk or gossip too much, because we are thinking so hard about what tiles we actually need! Conversation is for between games.
My group talks so much and I find it so distracting! It’s especially bad when we have more than 4. people there, cycling in and out. We always lose our train of thought. But its good times with friends!
I learned to play about 45 years ago from a friend who had lived in Laos. Her parents were diplomats of some sort and they moved around a lot. Haven’t had to opportunity to play since then, but remember it was a fun game.
That’s a very cool way to learn to play. Maybe it’s time to bring it back!
I started playing mahjong on non golf days after retiring. I prefer playing without the card as American mahjong is called, as it’s less frustrating for me. We can have more conversation including what we’re reading. It’s a crossover Mahjong/Book Club which I love!
How perfect is that??
Thanks for the interesting post, Sara! It’s fascinating to read about a different version of mahjong from what I learned (I’m Chinese so I learned the Chinese version of the game). I do agree that no matter which version, it’s a very complicated game to learn (though I do feel that Chinese mahjong is a bit harder only because there are multiple “versions” of the game depending on where we’re from – for example, there’s the Guangdong version, which is different from the Taiwanese version which is different from the “traditional” version, etc.—the rules and game play are different for each version). My friends and I play mahjong casually as an excuse to get together but our elders take it a lot more seriously (actually a lot more seriously depending on the person) because for the Chinese, mahjong is more than just a game — we have a saying that roughly translates to “you can tell a person’s true character by observing how they play mahjong” – so for Chinese elders, it’s a way of figuring out what type of person someone is (that’s why many times, when Chinese parents are meeting their children’s significant others for the first time, they ask them to play mahjong with them)…
Wow! Thank you for sharing Lee. I had heard that the American version was easier. Hats off to you, because I find the American version hard enough! And I love that–what a way to meet your future in laws 🙂
Hi Sara, I have a group of young adults (I am an older adult!) That come to my house for dinner on Friday evenings and we play games. We have been doing this for a few years now. We play Canasta, Cribbage, Azul and a ton of different games. I used to play Mahjong on my phone years ago but I would love to learn to play with the actual tiles. Thanks for the idea. ]
The book & movie The Joy Luck Club feature a group of friends who play mahjong. I learned to play the version with cards in my early 30’s with a lovely group of other moms with young kids plus one with teens. My husband gave me my own set of tiles and my father-in-law made a beautiful set of wooden trays for me. I haven’t played for 20+ years but have such fond memories, especially of “washing the tiles”.
I learned the basics of Chinese mahjong first, then later the rules of US mahjong in a class three years ago, and we in the class all bought US cards and have been playing together once a week since then.
I love to play mahjong. Winning is somehow so exciting, even though it’s just a casual game.
Retired and loving it ! I learned how to play three years ago ,play twice a week and have met new friends, ate new foods, and need lots of Jokers!!
My Tuesday mornings have become nearly sacred as I make appointments and schedule tasks around 9:30 mahjong with friends. It is good to know I am in such good company.
I loved hearing about your experience with mahjong. I’ve always been interested in it, but I have never done anything about it. I was on a cruise where a group of about 12 women were on the cruise to play mahjong every day. They looked to be really enjoying the game. You’ve inspired me to take action. I just need three willing friends and a teacher.
I had never heard of the mah jongg game until I moved to Florida in 2000. My neighbor asked me over to “watch”, sat me down, and I was in the game. I love the game and played on Real MaJonng on my computer during the pandemic! Thank you for this article- my sister (she does not play) sent it to me.
I learned to play one summer with my mom’s friends from out of town. I would love to play in my town but unfortunately have never heard of anyone playing here. Maybe I need to start asking people and see if I can find a group.
Five of us had played weekly for about three years when the pandemic came to town. We all subscribed to RealMahJong, set up a zoom account, and didn’t lose a beat. At this point we’re doing about 2/3 virtual, 1/3 in person.
Wow! I love that. I’ve played RealMahjong but never with friends, just against the computer.
I love playing mah jongg, in person and online!
I would love to know where you can play online: I can only find very commercial sites with odd limitations.
Mahjong is also a popular game for military spouses. During my husband’s 30 years in the Air Force most Officers Wives Clubs (now called Spouses Clubs) I was in had a Mahjong Group…I didn’t play but now that I’m retired may have to try to find someone to teach me.
I love this article and love all the comments just as much! When I see the word Mahjong Im immediately back in the world of the Joy Luck Club, one of my favorite books. Thank you for writing this, Sara! The article and comments have lifted my spirits and made me want to learn too!
Yes, so relate to your opening para, as a non-game player and “non competitive” person, yet I fell into Mahjong with a resounding thrill. I learned in a large group once a week for several months until I finally had a handle on it. Interestingly, here in Australia we call the tiles by different names: no crack or bam for us!
It sounds like a fun and challenging game! Funny thing is the first time I ever heard of it was on a “Seinfeld” episode where George’s mom was playing with a group of ladies and she yelled out Mahjong! 😂
Lately, I’ve been more and more into word and brain games, although Mahjong sounds like it fits right into that!
I tried to learn at a community center. The group was impatient with a beginner who could not devote the entire afternoon. A class with an instructor sounds like the way for me to go. Right now I will stick with dominoes!
I work in a retirement community and the ladies taught me to play. I LOVE it. We play the American version. Now I’ve taught my kids as well. I’m saving up for my own set.
I’ve played the game since I was 12, a third generation player, and officially began teaching about a year ago. I am shocked by how many requests for private lessons I get. I probably get 1-2 requests per week. I do it for the love of the game. Watching a new generation of women fall in love with it makes my heart full.