I adore memoirs. Unlike biography which encompasses the width of a life, a memoir takes a specific time period or experience and holds it up for observation. When someone examines a portion of their life, writes down their perspective, their thoughts and feelings, and then shares it with the world, it is a gift. Reading multiple memoirs by the same person is particularly meaningful to me. I’m in awe when someone is courageous enough to write a memoir multiple times, especially when the following memoir seems to contradict the previous one.
I have read multiple memoirs by a number of authors, including Glennon Doyle and Gabrielle Union and Elizabeth Gilbert, who is my favorite memoirist. In my inaugural episode of the What Should I Read Next? podcast, I listed Eat Pray Love as one of my all-time favorites. These women are vulnerable and honest about what they are feeling when they are feeling it. They are authentically who they are; being authentic is one of my personal commandments and something I strive for on a daily basis. These writers are more authentic with every new book. After finishing most memoirs, I’ve gotten the feeling that the stories have been wrapped up in a beautiful bow. The struggle faced and conquered. A second memoir shows me that that is not the case and I feel less of a failure. Each new memoir teaches me lessons that I try to, need to, remember every single day.
Life is a journey.
I will never arrive anywhere. Glennon Doyle’s Love Warrior is about her forgiving her husband’s infidelity. Untamed is about her moving on from that marriage and into being more fully herself. In my favorite memoir Eat Pray Love, we follow Liz’s year abroad in Italy, India, and Indonesia. The story is not over. In Committed, she discusses remaining committed to the man she fell in love with while in Indonesia.
For a long time, I thought that if I could just get out of high school and into college, married and with kids, the Buddy Man sleeping through the night, the Buddy Man out of diapers and in school, then, THEN, my life would begin and I would be at the place I was meant to be. That’s not the case. The story does not end til I die and then it could go on from there. Either way, I best enjoy every trip around the sun.
Change is inevitable.
Nothing will remain the same in my life. In We’re Going to Need More Wine, Gabrielle Union discusses her journey as a Black girl in a mostly white community and being a Black actress in America. She tackles difficult subjects, including her rape as a teenager, but her tone is resilient, funny, and hopeful for the future. In You Got Anything Stronger?, she seems affected by the changing political and societal landscape, as well as her own circumstances. It’s not laugh-out-loud funny. Ironically, it’s sober and serious. She reckons with similar themes but they have more weight because now she has step-children.
I grew up believing that if I could just do the right thing, then everything would be what and where it was supposed to be in my life. Until 2020, outside forces were not something I considered even having the ability to impact me in a very meaningful way. Naive? Absolutely. Privileged? Definitely. But now I know that no matter what I do, my life is going to change. Most times without my consent; sometimes with it.
And that’s part two of this lesson; it’s okay to change my mind. As I gather more information about the world, most of it via reading, as I have different experiences, I can decide to change what I believe about a situation. I can adjust my life to be more in line with my new insights and understanding. The trick is to remember what I have learned.
Growth is cyclical.
Remember Committed, the memoir that Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about her marriage to the guy she met in Indonesia? Well, she didn’t stay with him. Her forthcoming memoir, All the Way to the River is about how she met someone else, how that partnership ended due to cancer, and what Liz has learned about herself since that loss. It’s also one of the most brutal, honest, heartfelt, and moving books I have read all year.
In therapy, I have wrestled with the idea that growth is cyclical. It seems like I circle the same situation over and over again just from different angles. In All the Way to the River, Liz discusses Eat Pray Love, confirming that if she had just remembered the lessons learned there, she might not have made the same mistakes.
What memoirs have you read that have taught you a lesson or two? Please share with me in the comments.
P.S. Patreon Bonus #120: Six memoirs that changed my life.
P.P.S. 15 engaging and inspiring memoirs I keep coming back to, 16 memorable memoirs told in essays, stories, and snapshots, and 10 captivating memoirs about life’s ordinary (yet extraordinary) moments.
About the author
Shannan Malone is our MMD Cohost and What Should I Read Next? Patreon Community Manager. Her go-to genre depends on her mood! You can find Shannan on Instagram @shannanenjoyslife.
50 comments
I know they’ve been recommended here numerous times but it can’t go without saying that R. Eric Thomas’ memoirs are a.maz.ing. I love his writing.
I am reading one of his now on audiobook. I need to get back to it. Thanks for the reminder, Hilary. And thank you for commenting.
Yes love him. I listened on audio, which made it even better. I enjoyed his second memoir even more than the first. I heard him say that is was described as a “coming of middle age.” I think about that a lot. I am not drawn to coming of age stories, but really love coming of middle age.
Your comment about “coming of middle age” makes me think of Jeff Hiller’s (from Somebody Somewhere) recent memoir, Actress of a Certain Age. It was also great on audio.
Yes and yes!
Love this post so much!! Memoir is my fave for all the same reasons. These insights are spot on. Fiction tends to be about unraveling – we see a person’s life (briefly) and are thrust into a problem they’ll spend the rest of the book trying to fix. Memoir is more about taking messy, indescribable life and piecing it together into at least a few themes that make it make sense again. I love pretty much every attempt at making sense of life. There are gems everywhere. Liz Gilbert is my fave, as well.
I’m so glad to hear that Serenity. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being here.
Dani Shapiro!? I’ve only read Hourglass and Inheritance (one of them was an MMD recommended, I think from a SRG). Not sure I learned any life lessons, other than that life is going to keep changing and I don’t need to be afraid of that.
Inheritance was such a great book. I will have to put Hourglass on my TBR.
I agree. I really like her writing style and honesty.
Tory, that’s a great life lesson that I need to learn: that I don’t need to be afraid of the change. Thank you.
What a great concept Shannon – reading multiple memoirs by the same author. I am definitely going to try this and Dani Shapero comes to mind. I have read Inheritance and loved it, and have listened to her podcast – Family Secrets – for several years. I know she has other memoirs published, and I’m motivated to look into them. Thanks for sharing.
You’re welcome. Thanks for reading.
I love Anna Quindlen’s “Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake.” The author wrote the book at age 50; I read it on an all girls beach trip to celebrate my 40th birthday. I remember loving it then, but also thinking I might find it a little more relevant after I had a few more years (and a little more wisdom) under my belt. I picked it up again this year when I turned 45, and I’ll definitely revisit it again on future birthdays. It just keeps getting truer and truer.
For me The Tender Bar is a standout. A messy family story for sure.
I remember the Tender Bar being fantastic. I would love another memoir by the author.
I am sure I heard about these books on the MMD podcast.
I Miss You When I Blink and Bomb Shelter by Mary Laura Philpot were great.
Another set of memoirs that I liked as well are Good Apple and It Was an Ugly Couch Anyway by Elisabeth Passerella.
Bomb Shelter- I still think about scenes and observations several years after reading it.
I love both of these authors and their memoirs. Thank you for sharing.
At the beginning of this year, I went deep on the memoirs of Abigail Thomas. I got so fascinated with her life and point of view, that I looked for podcast interviews with her. A deep dive is fun!
Thanks for sharing, Shannan. A lot of what you wrote really resonates with me. Besides the ones already mentioned, I’ll add More Myself, by Alicia Keys; Invisible Storm, by Jason Kander; Bits and Pieces, by Whoopi Goldberg and Lucky Man and Always Looking Up, by Michael J. Fox. And you’ve convinced me to add Committed, by E. Gilbert to my list. I have only read Eat, Pray, Love and just saw that she has the new one coming out.
I ADORED MORE MYSELF by Alicia Keys. It is one of my favorites.
After reading Garlic and Sapphires I returned to Ruth Reichl in Save Me the Plums. Likewise after adoring Taste by Stanley Tucci, I jumped into What I Ate with gusto. Michael J Fox is another memoirist I’ve revisited because as his disease progresses, his views shift as well.
You might enjoy ‘Blood Bones Butter’, Gabrielle Hamilton.
Most of the memoirs I have read and loved are mentioned above–I enjoy a great foodie memoir (for example Reichl or Tucci) as well as a memoir-in-essays (Philpott and Thomas come to mind). I’ve also enjoyed Lauren Graham’s memoirs–she hits the right balance of humor and seriousness for me.
It’s been a while since I’ve read a memoir, so I appreciate the reminder about how great this genre can be. Like you, I greatly prefer memoirs over biographies for many of the same reasons.
I also appreciate your openness about your personal growth journey. Life is, indeed, a series of changes to face and to learn from.
All of Samantha Irby’s books. They’re so funny, but also address serious challenges like chronic illness and messy family.
All The Beauty In The World! Grief can stop you in your tracks, and sometimes staying still is the only way to, one day, move forward.
I’ve loved Ruth Reichl’s, too! My other favorites that I return to are Madeleine L’Engle’s Crosswick Journals.
Abraham Verghese (My Own Country and The Tennis Partner), Diana Athill and Zane Morrow Lindbergh are some of my favorite multiple memoirists. Loved the article and the recs!
OOH, Shannan, I think you might love this if you haven’t read it?! The Copenhagen Trilogy (Childhood; Youth; Dependency) by Tove Ditlevsen (translated from the Danish). It was written between 1967-71. It is not just a weird book in translation but is often considered one of the best ever written for its discussion of family sex, and our inner self. People call it genre-bending. I think you can get them separately but I just got the whole set in the large book and read each part. I hope you haven’t read it so you can!! I love it.
Great blog Shannan. I am not particularly drawn to memoir but I always learn something valuable when I read one. My recent favs are: Crying in HMart by Michele Zauner and Gather Me by Glory Edim
Thank you, Katherine.
Thanks for the suggestion, Michelle. I will check them out. Thank you for commenting.
Am I the only person on this earth that did not like Eat,Pray,Love? I threw the book down (and almost in the trash) when I was done and have not read another word by E. Gilbert.
Anyway…Cher’s memoir Part 1 is a trip with Part 2 out later this year and I am ready.
I hated Eat, Pray, Love, too. and threw it across the room also.
I did not like Eat Pray Love AT ALL (book AND movie) and will not read anything else by that woman.
Shannan, I so appreciate your viewpoint and this blog! I usually steer away from memoirs of who I consider celebrities. I love Elizabeth Gilbert’s writing and have read E,P,L, Big Magic and her fiction, but had not gone back to the memoirs as she gained celebrity (as I write this, I realize it is really judgmental!) Sometimes knowing the topics, I just wasn’t ready to take on that emotional baggage. But I love knowing there is learning in their growth to help us with our own. Thank you for making me review my TBR!
You’re welcome, Debra. It is always good to review things.
This is a bit of a backlist memoir, but I recently listened on audio to It Was An Ugly Couch Anyway by Elizabeth Passarella and I can’t stop singing its praises. She narrates the audiobook and does a fantastic job. Raised in the south but living with and I can’t stop singing its praises. She narrates the audiobook and does a fantastic job. Raised in the south but living with a husband and three children in New York City, she tells funny tales of everyday life in a delightful way. Also the struggles are honest and heartfelt. Loved it! Available in Hoopla.
Also loved Elizabeth Passarella!! Did you read good apple by her as well?
Her first one, GOOD APPLE, was hilarious! My hubby and I laughed so much! Thanks for commenting.
Dani Shapiro’s memoirs – when read in order – are not just a lesson in great memoir writing and good storytelling, but also in the ultimate purpose of writing memoir, which sometimes the author itself uncovers for themselves only later. That’s how Shapiro relates to her memoir writing when she gets to the ultimate personal discovery in her last memoir “Inheritance”. “I knew there was a secret, I just didn’t know that *I* was the secret”.
Yes! Dani’s memoirs were exactly what I was thinking of when I read this.
Thank you so much for your insightful thoughts Shannan! Your post made me think.
You’re welcome, Shannon. That’s always my intention. Thank you for commenting.
Such a beautiful post Shannan!! Thank you.
You’re welcome and thank YOU, Laurie.
If you have not read the memoirs of kelly corrigan, I think you would really enjoy them. She has multiple for different points in her life.
This is a new and fun topic, thank you Shannen! The first double memoir I can think of is Nora Ephron’s two books: I Feel Bad About My Neck, and I Remember Nothing. They were hilarious, but real, and I will never forget the story of her love affair with an apartment in New York City. It has made me want one ever since. Maybe she has more memoirs, I don’t know! But I would add her sister’s book to this to make a real trilogy: Left on Tenth by Delia Ephron. And are Ann Patchett’s books considered memoirs or essays? These Precious Days and This is the Story of a Happy Marriage. VERY VERY GOOD.
I love this post! I would like to add multi-memoir author, Leslie Jamison. I’m reading “Splinters” right now (her newest one), and it’s blowing my mind on every page as she wrestles with new motherhood and the ending of her marriage, as well as reflects on how her life choices related back to her parents, her relationship with them, and their own divorce. I would describe this as literary memoir, because the writing is just that good.
Her other three memoirs have all received awards and acclaim: “The Empathy Exams,” “The Recovering: Intoxication and it’s Aftermath,” and “Make it Scream, Make it Burn.” I can’t wait to get to these once I’m done with “Splinters.” I feel so lucky that I just happened onto this one through library serendipity.
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