The bedroom is an excellent place to make your marriage better–and no, it’s not for the reasons you think!
What do these three settings have in common?
- Driving in a car with your man.
- Dining at the bar together.
- Lying next to him in bed.
The Answer: You’re both facing the same direction.
This is the key for communicating with your man. Women and men do not communicate the same way. When women chat, we like to sit face-to-face and look into each other’s eyes. But men have a much easier time being honest and open with you when you’re both facing the same direction.
Once you accept this fundamental difference between men and women, you can make allowances for it. You can even turn it into an asset! Follow this simple rule to help your man open up:
Go to bed at the same time as your husband.
I took an informal poll of my friends, and ladies, I know this can be hard! So many of us are tempted to stay up to the wee hours, by ourselves, enjoying “our” time to ourselves. But if you can fight that urge, and tuck in early with your husband, it will be totally worth it.
There are three huge benefits to going to bed at the same time, especially if you make it on the early side:
Make it easy for your husband to share his heart with you.
Lying side-by-side, in the dark, facing the same direction? For a man, the barriers to communication can’t get any lower.
Just make sure he knows you didn’t fall asleep while he was searching for the right words.
It can only do good things for your love life.
Enough said, right?
You’ll get more sleep.
If all else fails, you both fall asleep–and getting more sleep helps us be more patient, which is also excellent for marital communication. But if you stay up way too late talking (or whatever), it will be totally worth it.
Plan this important part of your day now!
What do you need to do so that you’re ready to go to bed when your husband does? Do it now–you won’t regret it!
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It’s true — my hubby and I have our best conversations when both of us are on the couch instead of facing each other. He asks me to come sit next to him so that we can talk. I think it’s partly that he doesn’t want us to be face to face, and partly that he likes to touch me while we talk. He’ll put his hand on my leg or hold my hand. I read somewhere once that it’s calming to touch someone while you’re “discussing” (read: arguing about) something. Seems to work for us!
The couch–that’s a great one! And touch definitely sounds like a great strategy for having a “discussion”–especially if it’s not an altogether pleasant one.
Awesome post. They just keep on coming…you have an amazing gift with words.
I’m all for that…but what if it’s hubby staying up until the wee hours? I’ve spent over two decades trying to solve that one….
But you’re right. Any wife who stays up later than her hubby is throwing away such precious time. Great post!
Annie Kate
Hmmmmm. I’m going to give that some thought, and ask some men I know, before venturing an answer on that one!
Yeah, I’m in the same boat as Annie Kate. Hubby is -definitely- the one who stays up later. I used to be more of a night owl (and still probably stay up later than I -should- if I were smart about it) but since the birth of our eight-month-old son, I just can’t do it anymore. No, make that, since I got pregnant and felt like I was going to fall asleep in my dinner plate.
I digress. Any commentary you might have on hubby being the one who stays up later would be greatly appreciated.
Great advice! I’ve heard so many couples complain that they do not go to bed at the same time.
I’m glad you found something that works for you, and it’s very much worth suggesting, but it really depends on the man. Mine doesn’t get into bed until he’s sleepy (or for sex) and gets annoyed if I try to start a conversation at that point. It’s a good time for cuddling, though!
Great post! it’s the seemingly little things that add up to the big differences!
Blessings!
LIB
http://bit.ly/ibO3PU
Really good advice. My only concern – my husband stays up way later than me (sometimes by 2-3 hours). Not sure I could go to bed that late and 1) be a good wife or mother the next day, 2) have any conversation without passing out! Haha! However, we have some good talks in the car, especially if our kids have fallen asleep and we are driving around for a while.
Yeah, your two reasons sum it up well.
Great post. My husband and I almost always go to bed at the same time. Usually its way to late and I fall asleep so fast, sometimes I’m out before I can lay down..lol I think we just need to work on getting there earlier…
This is so true. Enough so that it stayed in my mind all night. I told my husband about it as we were sitting on the couch together, facing towards the tv (it was off) and talking. Then when we went to bed (at the same time) we got some more heart to heart in. <3 I even passed this post on.
Thanks for the lightbulb moment!
I actually did a post about this a few weeks ago! Going to bed at the same time as my husband has helped me to get up earlier (more sleep) and has helped us connect better in general.
I thought about this post this morning. I realized last night, a “solution” my husband and I found for his nightowlness and my early-to-bedness is that he will lay down with me for a few minutes to talk about our day and relax with me, before going off to do something else (which is currently watching ever NBA final game on tv!). We don’t go to sleep together, but it’s generally the same thing.
I’m so guilty of staying up later than my husband so I can have a bit of time on my own, so this struck a chord with me. My husband would love me to go to bed at the same time as him. I guess the benefits of connecting with him will outweigh anything I *need* to get done in the evenings, so from tonight I will start! Thank you for the push I needed.
Natalie, I need the push myself! We developed some bad habits on vacation–we’re still going to bed at the same time, just two hours too late! Last night was a good beginning, I’m resolving to continue the trend tonight. (But it’s hard!)
I agree. My husband would like for me to go to bed much earlier as well. It’s not that I am getting a bunch of work done at night – I can hardly keep my eyes open by then – it’s just that I don’t get any time to myself until then… little children are often in my bed but not asleep enough to move yet… I don’t want to watch what he is watching on TV (tv – a conversation killer anyway) and all of that. I really do need more sleep, though!
I have also noticed that we talk more when we are driving somewhere. Less now that we have kids old enough to eaves drop and insert themselves into the conversation. ; )
You are a genius! I had never thought of this, but you are so right. These are indeed the times my husband opens up the most. I’d always known that men tend to do things with each other side by side instead of face to face (like us women), but I’d never thought about using that same strategy in my marriage. Many days I don’t learn something brand new and helpful, but today it’s only 10:00 and I have! Thank you!
Hubby and I always go to bed together. If I can get us there a little early, before we’re really tired, we have more time to talk and visit and cuddle. Or whatever.
Excellent advice!!
OMG! Why didn’t I think of that? I knew that the best time to talk to guys is while you’re doing things together like driving, hiking, etc. It works for my sons too. But I never thought about that being why talking in bed works. Hmmm . . . .
My husband and I hardly ever go to bed together. He loves to fall asleep cuddling but I can’t, I don’t know why. We are very happy (well I think we are) but do the same thing day in, day out. He can be very lazy in the mornings and I get stressed having to do everything for my two children to get to school on time. He does a lot in the evenings because I work, but I can still come home and have to pick things up while he sits on the sofa for hours. I get stressed because being a mum is 24/7 work. I just keep going round in circles.