A few years ago, I was frustrated by the sheer volume of toys and knickknacks that Buddy Man had accrued over his few short years of life. His closet was packed, every bin that I had purchased to strategically corral items was overflowing, and I didn’t know where anything was. I was determined to get a handle on it.
One day, I forced him to confront it all, prompting him to let go of things that he no longer played with. He was resistant, not wanting to give anything up. Amazingly, he remembered when he acquired every piece. I should have seen it coming but I didn’t. As I continued to press him and encourage him to let go, he said, “Mommy, I don’t see you giving up any of those many books YOU have.” Touché, kid. Touché.
Besides thinking about what a complete and total hypocrite I was, I began to consider my feelings around my hoard of books. The word “hoard” struck me. I hadn’t used it intentionally. I could have said my personal library of books, my collection of books, but, no, I said my hoard because the way I feel comes out no matter what.
I love reading and engaging with words, looking up their meanings and using each with as much specificity as I possibly can. Merriam-Webster defines “hoard” as: “a supply, an accumulation, or fund stored up often hidden away; to keep to oneself.” The connotation is negative!
When Buddy Man forced me to think about how I felt about my books I realized that 1.) I was buying and acquiring out of fear: fear I wouldn’t have access to that book again; fear that if I didn’t acquire it, I would regret it. And fear that if I got rid of it, I wouldn’t be able to ever read it again. 2.) I had books hidden behind books, stacked up behind other books, stored in bins in the attic and bookshelves in the guest room closet, hidden out of sight.
I started hoarding books in 2020. The libraries and stores were mostly closed due to the pandemic and I had the privilege of being able to afford to purchase my books, as well as had access to an inordinate amount of advanced reader’s copies both physical and digital. And boy, did I collect them. If a book looked remotely interesting, I bought it. At one point, I had over 150 unread books on my bookshelves!
Many people say their collection of books brings them joy and helps make life worth living. Luc van Donkersgoed is credited with the idea that you should consider your personal library like a wine cellar. You might not be able to drink every bottle you own, but it is a collection from which you can pull when you need to, when you want to, and when the time is right.
I love this idea. But there is one important caveat: You have to have room for the cellar in your home. I do not!
There is an oft-mentioned joke in the book community: “too many books? You need more bookshelves.” Storage solutions are very rarely the answer when someone has too many of something, which coincidentally was the point I was trying to convey to the Buddy Man.
Don’t get me wrong: some of the books I have read spark so much joy in me: when I see them and pick them up, I hug them to my chest and a little thrill zings through my body. But those feelings were rare for the vast majority of them, especially my unread books. I wasn’t feeling joy. I was feeling something else and it wasn’t positive. It was guilt, anxiety, frustration and disappointment.
I was disappointed in myself for spending the amount of money I had spent. It could have gone to other things. I was frustrated by my aforementioned storage problem. I was running out of places to keep them. Most importantly, I was anxious about when I was going to find the time to read all the unread books. As I looked at my physical shelves, I felt condemnation and guilt. Not joy!
My personal library should feel like an extension of me, changing and growing as I do. There should be room for current interests, nostalgic selections, and favorites that you have to pry from my cold dead fingers. But I also want room for new editions of my favorites (I’m looking at you, paperback copy of A Psalm for the Wild-Built) and books on my new interests (how many books do I need to improve my watercolor skills?). I want room to grow, to change, and to expand. I want to look at my shelves in wonder and delight, not frustration and angst.
I love the word curate: to select the best or most appropriate, and organize especially for presentation. My initial library curation released 50 books back into the world. I considered if I was caught up in the hype of a book when I purchased it, my current excitement level about reading it, whether it could be a resource for my interests moving forward, and if it “sparked joy” when I held it.
I continue to curate every season, seeing what I have added to my collection and what I can let go. I let go of 60 more last year. Looking at my library now brings me wonder and delight, not frustration and angst.
How do you feel about your books? And be honest; the answer might surprise you. Be sure to tell us in the comments.
P.S. The single best thing you can do for your reading life, How asking one question helps me set reading intentions for the new year, and Book journaling tools for every reader.
About the author
Shannan Malone is our MMD Cohost and What Should I Read Next? Patreon Community Manager. Her go-to genre depends on her mood! You can find Shannan on Instagram @shannanenjoyslife.
18 comments
“Curate” is the BEST word! “Thin out” is an okay phrase, but “curate” is far superior IMO. It is so positive, and I like how you said you were releasing books back into the world. I curate my collection/library a few times a year, and then take those that no longer fit me either to a used book store, or save them for our church’s yearly garage sale, which raises funds for our missionaries. Either way, these books continue their life cycle in the loving homes of other readers!
I just did the same thing to my personal library. My buying obsession is a bit different. I love going to thrift stores. Whenever I would see a book I might someday want to read I had to buy it. I might not even find it again! The books would sit on the shelf and eventually be hidden by another row of books.
I cleared out over 30 books. I’m donating them to a senior citizen that has a lending library.
I thought I would feel stressed parting with them, but it felt freeing.
So what did you do with the books you released? Goodwill? Sell them? Give them to friends?
Oooh, Shannan, this hits a nerve in the best way. I, too, have overflowing shelves that used to bring me joy & now only cause me to want me to go organize my shampoo bottles or fold all my fitted sheets. My motivation is different, but the result is the same: I don’t enjoy my bookshelves anymore.
Thanks for the prompt to think about them differently. I can pack up my scarcity mentality & think about which books I want to set free!
This post was a balm and an encouragement – I have been in exactly the same place (coincidentally, also since 2020) where I accumluated books in a way where my act of purchasing was probably the more recognizable hobby than the actual reading! I’m still practicing parting with some of my more impetuous buys – thank goodness for used books stores that will put these back into the wild! – but have come a long way. I decided to curate based on authors and two or three key topics (community and belonging, self-acceptance, social justice) and know that the ones I part with are still there through Nashville’s excellent library! Thanks for this post and the encouragement it gives!
Hi Shannan,
Look at what your child is playing with regularly. Box up the rest in a non- transparent box and put it in the top of the closet or away somewhere. Just leave out enough toys, not a deluge of toys. Kids get overwhelmed, too. Then in about a month, swap out some toys for what’s in the box. Most likely your child will be thrilled to have a change and see these toys again! I did that with my daughter and it worked like a charm, for both of us! Not so much out, and not so overwhelming!
For some strange reason, I feel like books are meant to be shared and they do not “belong” to me. I have a few exceptions to this and it’s the copy of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and Madeleine L’Engle A Winkle In Time series I owned as a child. These books were the first books that gave me a thrill to read as a child. Reading did not come easy to me. Now as an adult I am an avid reader, and I think my love for reading reflects in how I want to share my books and love of reading with people.
This post made really made me think. In general I am thrilled about my bookshelves, but I realize that my number of unread books is getting very high. And I have to throw in another challenge – my kindle. I impulse buy books all the time and I think I “hide” them on my kindle – not intentionally, but thankfully no one sees how many books on there that I haven’t been able to get to yet. Planning what to read when I have so many books is challenging, especially since I’m a mood reader. I don’t always remember what review or book list or mood sparked me to buy that book. I would really like to get to the point where there I have fewer options which makes for an easier decisions. I am definitely an aspirational buyer with books. I would like to read it so I’ll buy it! I’m not realistic about how much time I have and if I will get to it. It’s time for me to look at my collection differently and help ease the weight of the waiting books.
Oh boy. I am guilty of book hoarding, and I confess I have far more than 150 unread books in my library. When we recently moved, I “curated” about 100 unread books to take with me to our temporary home to read this year, while the rest of my library went into storage (many read, many unread). I recognize that I won’t have enough time in my life to read every book I want to read. I also justify my purchases by telling myself I am supporting the authors and their work. That said, I really should stop buying new books all the time and rely more on the library! (Or…stop taking books out of the library until I finish reading more of the books I already own!) My intention this year was to read the books I curated then donate them to a Little Free Library. So far I’ve donated…zero. Today I’m relaunching that plan. Thanks, Shannan, for the reminder. This article really hit home in the best way.
I finally realized I can read it from the library or on Libby and don’t have to have it in my home. My favorite books will always have a special place, but I don’t need a hard copy of every book I read.
I can very much relate to this post, Shannan. I’ve been in the process of shedding books for the last couple of years. It’s hard, but I’ve been doing it regularly! I really want to go into my book collecting with the notion of “curating” my shelves, so I try only to buy the books that I am pretty sure that I will want to keep, usually by a favorite author. I am reading more library books and e books now to keep my physical purchases to a low roar. Unwanted books get passed on to family members and friends or donated to our local library. I’m looking at my newly curated bookshelf in my home office right now, and it definitely brings my joy instead of anxiety.
Lately, I’ve been clearing out my bookshelves. Old, yellowing copies of old favorites don’t make me happy. Books that have been sitting on the shelf unread for decades are being donated to local little libraries if they’re still in good shape. It feels nice to make room for some of the newer books that have been in random piles around my apartment, and also to possibly get some nice collector editions of my favorite classics.
Thank you for this post, Shannan! It gives me a lot to think about. Like you, my relationship with physical books (and stuff of all kinds) continues to evolve, which has to be okay. I’m trying not to feel guilty for my past choices of buying and keeping, while recognizing that donating books regularly gives me space to add new titles. Two inspirations: 1. I had AHA moment listening to a WSIRN episode where the guest described the difference between reading and collecting— they can go together, but they don’t have to. 2. A friend is trying to only purchase books she has already read and can see herself reading again later. Seems like a thoughtful approach! Happy reading!
Haha, I need people like you, Shannan, to buy new books and then decide to release them into the wild for me to buy! I have picked up so many new or nearly new books for $1. The start of my hoarding came when I started following Modern Mrs. Darcy! All those titles I hadn’t read! So I went to used book stores, Goodwill, yard sales, library sales and I saw them—and I bought them. To the tune of over 250 books. But once you own them, there’s no hurry to read them…. So, I did a purge a few years ago because I had run out of room, and the burden of ever reading those books was just too much pressure. Probably 60 books. Then another 60. That was as many as I could part with, but I think I need to do another one. I see books that I will probably never read, so they need to go out there to another good home. Some I put some on paperbackswap.com (which I love), some I donated to the library, some I offered to friends, and some went into our grocery store’s Book Bin (for charity.) But there’s no better problem than having too many books! (And I like “curate”)
I went through my books a few years ago when I was cataloging and rearranging things. I ended up getting rid of quite a few (took them in stages to our neighborhood little library). When I first started putting limits on my buying it was because I had several in a row that I disliked immensely and I was annoyed that I spent so much on things I knew I’d never touch again. That was when I started my audiobook obsession. Then I started buying pretty books. I didn’t care what the story was, I wanted it because it was pretty. It took me longer than it should have to recognize the problem. Now I only collect books that 1) I’ve actually read and 2) I enjoyed it. I love my bookshelves now! (Although I do need to start weeding again…)
This post came at just the right time for me. I am divorcing my husband of 26 years and moving out on my own in July. I have been overwhelmed about how I was going to sort through the books I own. I too feel such frustration with the amount of money I have spent on them and how long they have sat, untouched. This will help me be able to release them into the world and off of my shoulders. Thank you!
Excellent essay, Shannen. I am always eager to hear your thoughts. Your essay and other thoughts help me realize that while yes, I have too many books. My problem is slightly different. Books as objects are not something that appeals to me. I actually only have one shelf of books that I will always keep. My book problem is…I like reading books in print and since Covid library holds are out of control so I buy books. Usually from ThriftBooks or Pango so it is affordable to me. Recently, I was recovering from surgery and during that time, I probably acquired 20 books. Of course, I didn’t recuperate that long so just more books. Of course during this time, I also bought 2 more bookshelves but as we know that is not the answer!🤣
I’ve thought of 1 in and I out but don’t trust myself.
Thoughts?
I have a very limited space for books, one bookcase. I only keep what I absolutely love so if a book is being kept then another one needs to leave. Every month I sit a pile of books which are finished with, on the table at book group. They always go, who doesn’t like free books? I would say that 90% of my books were bought second hand anyway, so not a huge layout.