Mr. Darcy Meets Money Saving Dad

I’m not into greeting cards, and being the center of attention makes me self-conscious, so Mother’s Day is not a big thing for me.

But I do love being appreciated for who I am and what I do as a mom. Everybody needs appreciation, and as a mom that can feel hard to come by, at least from my kids.

That’s okay. As a mom to young children, the person I most want appreciation from is my husband.

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When we were just at the homeschool conference , my husband and I heard Crystal Paine speak about the challenges (and joys) of being a mother and an entrepreneur. She gave practical tips on how she structures her days so she can run a thriving business and be there for her kids.

She also shared how she didn’t succeed in a straight line: Money Saving Mom wasn’t the first business she dreamed up. She tried several ventures before that, and they flopped–hard! But she kept persevering and coming up with new ideas until she hit on the idea for Money Saving Mom, which took off and continues to do very, very well.

Here's Crystal and me--but how I wish I had a picture of the boys!

After the talk, my husband struck up a conversation with her husband, Jesse. When I stepped over to join them, my husband shot me a mischievous smile and said “I’ll see you in a minute, okay?”

I was so curious: What did my husband want to discuss with Mr. Money Saving Mom that he didn’t want me to hear?

To my surprise, he didn’t volunteer the information when me met back up later. On the drive home that night I finally asked: what were you two talking about?

My husband asked him what he’d done to encourage his wife as she pursued her business in those early years–before she knew she’d succeed, before she ran one of the top personal finance blogs on the web.

(Jesse’s answer was to be patient and encourage her, to help her make it work and don’t tell her to give up.)

But what mattered to me was that my husband had asked the question.

His question showed me that he’s thinking about how to encourage me. I love Lisa McMinn’s pithy quote:  “A strong marriage is one in which the husband and wife say to each other, ‘I am highly committed to your growth as a person.’” His actions show me that. Constantly.

I wouldn’t mind a little show of appreciation on Mother’s Day, but I love that my husband shows me with his daily actions that he appreciates what I do, that he wants to help me do it well, and that he’s highly committed to my growth as a person.

Don’t get the wrong idea–it does get rocky around here sometimes. But the day-in, day-out is pretty darn good, and I wouldn’t trade that for a hundred giant Mother’s Day bouquets. (Although a small bunch of tulips would be nice.)

What’s a small thing that makes you feel appreciated by your friends and loved ones, for whatever it is that you do? Leave your answer in comments so we can all have more ideas on how to appreciate the women in our lives–whether they’re moms or not, coupled or single.

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Comments

  1. says

    I love this story! Last year, I got all crafty (thanks to Pinterest) and made an “I love you because” board/picture frame. I hung it in our bathroom and for the first few weeks, we were leaving messages for each other on a daily basis. Then life got busy and one or the other of us would change it about once every week or so.

    You know that last week I finally quit my day job, and this week has been full of dreaming and stepping out to do something that, quite honestly, I’m still pinching myself about. Anyway, I was feeling a tiny bit overwhelmed about learning all this new stuff, and I walked into the bathroom yesterday morning to find, “I love you because…you are SMART!” and he had drawn me as a stick figure with a lightbulb over my head.

    I can’t tell you what that did for me. I immediately thought of the line from “The Help” – “You is Kind. You is Smart. You is Important.” – which he has never seen. Having your spouse believe in you and believe that you can do anything is…well, it’s amazing. How blessed we are, eh?! :-)

  2. says

    I feel really loved when my husband appreciates the work I do–and when he helps me do it. Some weeks during the school year I worked more hours than he did, which doesn’t bother me much, it’s just the way things worked out. It was really nice on those days when I’d come home and he would thank me for working. I know he needs the same encouragement from me, especially now that he’s working WAY more than I am during the summer.

    It also means a lot when he helps me around the house–by doing dishes, picking up in the living room, cleaning up the bathroom, whatever. Knowing that he loves me enough to help with my main work (housework!) is huge.

    Then, of course, I feel super-loved when he gives me a big hug and cuddles with me. But my main love language is touch, so that explains that. :)

    • Suzette says

      Love languages – crucial to me and my hubby understanding and communicating with one another. Ours are different, but it shows that much more effort when we “speak” in the other’s love language.

      So glad you and your husband know that too!

  3. says

    We were at a marriage retreat earlier this year where one passage the speaker relied on was 1 Samuel 14 where Jonathan and his young armor bearer take off from the main army to attack the Philistine outpost on their own. It’ seemed like an interesting choice for marriage issues, but soon made sense when we looked closely at verses 6 & 7:

    Jonathan said to his young armor-bearer, “Come, let’s go over to the outpost of those uncircumcised men. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.”

    “Do all that you have in mind,” his armor-bearer said. “Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul.”

    One person had an idea and the other said “I’m with you heart and soul.” My wife and I do that for each other too, and it’s made a lot of difference over the years. Thanks for reminding me about all this through your own story today, Anne. And good job writing it up too, very well done!

    Tim

  4. says

    What a sweet story! You’ve got a good husband, Anne.

    One way I feel cared for is the way my friends or family sing my praises when they introduce me to others. My friend Shannon regularly declares “she wrote a book!” before I can even say hello. It’s made me more intentional in the way I introduce people to others, too.

  5. says

    Oh Anne, what a blessing to have a husband who bothers asking the question! I agree with you–things can get a little rocky in our house sometimes, but the day-in day-out is great. My hubby shows his love and appreciation for me in many ways, but sometimes it frustrates me that he never has anything to say about my writing except “Of course it’s good. You wrote it.” That’s what I get for marrying a guy who’s just not a wordsmith.
    But last week, my husband, who works in a bookstore, ran into one of my favorite authors (who was probably trying to be there incognito). He didn’t tell me much about their conversation, but he got the man’s autograph: “Dear Z,” the note read, “Keep on writing!” My hubby didn’t have to tell me that their whole conversation was about me and my dreams of actually finishing this book of mine, because the note said it all. My hubby might not ask to see what I’ve written. He might not offer great feedback when I shove it in his face–but he’s proud of me, and supports me in his own way. I count myself pretty lucky to have him around :)

  6. Suzette says

    Loving this post!

    Such warming words – thanks for sharing. I love love love my husband. He is so committed to me and sets the best example of being patient with our daughter. So glad there are other wonderful husbands to be appreciated!

  7. says

    Oh, how awesome! And I love the pic of you and msm!

    I still vividly remember some kind comments that people have directly spoken to me. I always appreciate getting a card just for anyhow from a friend.

  8. says

    I love this, Anne! Will is such a great hubby and how blessed you both are to have each other! :)

    I have to say that the most meaningful thing that I hear from my friends and family is when they compliment me on my solo parenting skills. Sometimes I really need that encouragement as a pick-me-up to help me keep on trucking through…

    And actions speak louder than words, so I love when people just do random nice things…like when my new boyfriend took it upon himself to get rid of ALL the weeds in my yard this past Saturday (and there were LOTS of them!)…and I don’t even have a weed eater – he did it all by hand! So you see why I’m head over heels for this guy…
    :)

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